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Yahoo the Clown welcomes you to the SBC/Ameritech Funhouse!
•You must be at least THIS TALL to ride.
•Yelling and screaming are not tolerated in the Funhouse. Neither are namecalling or swearing. You scream, buh bye.
•If you do not have a ticket for this Funhouse, please move on. We care not how the Funhouse you used in Nebraska operates, or the other alternative Funhouse you think we all need to know about for that matter.
•The bovine ride-master and the equine wagon-puller are here to ensure your enjoyment and safety, and our profit margins. They rely on the ride designer to keep them on their hooves. If, in their sole discretion, you are deemed to be operating in an unsafe, annoying or unprofitable manner, you will be ejected from the ride with no refund given. Cletus will keep a picture of you on file so don't try to sneak back in.
Do not point out that cows can't fly, especially when the cow flies recon directly overhead. He's trying to see where the lines are slow, and has no time for aerodynamics. The funny-looking horse doubles as the ticket-taker and Arranger of Things Not Talked About. Various other animals, of two and four legged varieties, will try to fill in for the horse and the cow when they are otherwise occupied. When this happens, remain calm, and bring your seat to its full upright and locked condition.
•If you make a mess or have or see an "accident" please use the appropriate summoning device and the janitorial crew will appear post haste.
•Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.
•The "adult's only" hours were suspended by court order, so please watch your step and your mouth. Kiddies who are at least THIS TALL are undoubtedly nearby.
• Do not ask to arrange a date with Yahoo no matter how much she flirts. She's taken. And she bites.
•Line jumpers will be shot on sight.
•Leave all food and drinks outside the Funhouse! Please beware of the mirrors and try not to smudge them. The caretakers hate cleaning up after you.
•No bumping. It's rude, and it gets Cletus way too excited.
•Keep your head inside the car at all times. If you don't, and lose same, it will not be retrieved. You weren't using it anyway.
•Criticism and lively discussion is encouraged provided it is at the New York Times literary level. "U Suxor" is not at the New York Times literary level. We don't care how "1337" you are. If you don't have something substantive to say, don't post. If you have to look up the word "substantive" in the dictionary, don't post. (Last two sentences stolen from justin ).
•Please confine the necking and petting to lighted areas. needs something to occupy his spare time and we need you to be visible to the webcams so the subscribers get their money's worth.
•Spankings are administered at midnight, weather permitting. Beatings, however, are given as needed regardless of weather conditions. Things Not Talked About are by appointment only.
•In short: Be civil. Be relevant. And...