The following definitely cause cancer as long as you live long enoug: Smoking, eating processed foods, teflon frying pans, any wireless device, the daily stress of potentially lethal decisions when merging on a freeway, alcohol, abstaining from alcohol, chocolate, abstaining from chocolate, caffeine, abstaining from caffeine, reading online forums, not reading online forums. The following is definitely incurable and terminal, with a 100% death rate: Life. Oh well...
