| Another version: "Hi. We're Bell Canada and we are petitioning for relief from the core services of our business. Ostensibly, we are in the business of delivering bandwidth. That said, our new business model identifies that the greatest profits can be made from not delivering bandwidth, IE: getting users to pay for bandwidth and then taking any steps we can to see that those users do not use that bandwidth. We developed this model after studying the collected works and histories of various Ponzi schemes and Al Capone. Our models show that if we follow this new plan for 5 years, we will be able to increase profits by an enormous degree and by the end of those 5 years, turn off our network.
We have a follow-on business plan that involves 2 tomato cans and a piece of string as our next-gen network design that promises even more dramatic rises in profitibility. Sadly, we cannot release details of this plan at this time, as we are involved in patent processes." |
