oaktree
join:2003-02-06
scotland
| The Best Divorce Letter, everrrr!
Dear wife:
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever.
I've been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for
it.
These last 2 weeks have been hell.
Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was
the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn't even notice I had a
new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair
of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after
watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you
don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either
you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case,
I'm gone.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. don't try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West
Virginia together! Have a great life!
Dear Ex-Husband
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
It's true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man
is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because
they drown out your constant whining & griping. Too bad that doesn't
work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing
that came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my mother
raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't
comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me
confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago.
About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99
price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my
sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So
when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us
2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone. Everything
happens for a reason, I guess.
I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted.. My lawyer said
that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me.
So take care.
Signed,
Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was
born Carl.
I hope that's not a problem. |
