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Om Nom Nom

Lincoln, NE
reply to Adalicia

You Awaken In Razor Hill (Part Fifteen)

> Save the game. (Is that even possible?)

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Checksum error 2310

Are you certain you want to Unleash Pyramid Hoggercaust?

[Accept] [Decline]


> Wonder why the hell you haven't equipped the Arcanite Ripper to use as a weapon, and EQUIP IT ALREADY!

You Equip your Arcanite Ripper in your Main Hand. This automatically forces your Offhand, the Pyramid Hogger Action Figure, into your bags.

> Cycle through trackings, just in case Zalazane has something up his sleeves.

Who needs Keen Eyes when you have Heightened Senses like these?

You crouch, concentrate, and work your Gaming Abstraction for all it is worth.

There are two Giants on the Island, called Hulking Zalazane Zombies.

There are close to thirty or forty Named, Mobile Undead on the island, each named variations on 'Zalazane Zombie', you can't get accurate numbers, but you can Track Skulking, Burning, Mournful and Soulless Zalazane Zombies on the island.

No Elementals, Demons or Dragons.

Hidden Tracks a Middling Ravening Worm more-or-less patrolling in a slow ring around the Main Isle.

> Help Larry.
> Help Larry back to his feet
> Use Eyes of the Beast on Larry. You've always wanted to know what it's like to be a shark.

There's no way you can get near enough to Larry to help him to his feet the way he is, if you get too close he'll probably end up ripping your legs off.

You close your eyes and Concentrate on him, sending your consciousness into his and locking his mind away.

You cannot see a fucking thing in here. This is just like when you were in Scratchfever, in the Abyssal Darkness, his eyes are completely useless, barely able to detect even the barest hints of light.

Your sense of Smell, however, is insane. There are a hundred million distinct scents raging through your broad olfactory canals right now, each one bearing a separate and unique flavor.

This Encrusted Sparkly Foul-Smelling Substance is absolutely what saved you, by the way, you smell about as appetizing as a fresh, steaming turd.

What concerns you is that that scent isn't all that unappetizing to your Shark-Smell. Your stomach is constantly raging at you, clawing you away from the insides, demanding more, more, more, more hungry now, hungry now, hungry now now now now now.

You carefully pilot Larry's body, rolling it over in the surf until you can stand, and then drag your mind out of his.

Larry is extremely moved.

His life has been a savage thing, a long stretch of hunger punctuated with moments of monstrous violence.

This kindness you've showed him is the very first he has ever known.

(Larry has gained 3 levels of Loyalty!
Larry is the Viper in your Bosom.
Larry's Happiness is at 55%!
Larry is a Pit of Endless Ravening.)

Oh, look at him! he's being all cozy and affectionate now! Aww, see? All he needed was a little - okay now he's just trying to eat your arm.

You cast Glyphed Mend Pet on him until he lets go.

(Larry's Happiness is at 95%!
Larry is a Pit of Endless Ravening)

> Thank whatever deities you can think of that you didn't die from putting the bullet into the Juju.
> Thank whatever merciful gods there are that the bag of Juju didn't kill you.

You elect to go in alphabetical order and you do so twice.

> Put Saronite Godstorm Shell away for safekeeping
> Put Saronite Godstorm Shell away for safekeeping, no duh, and prepare to use it once Pyramid Hogger shows up. Stupid bastard will get what for...
> Save the shell for the next time you see Pyramid Hogger, and attempt to get closer to Zalazane

This thing leaves a weird sort of wake as you (carefully) wave it around in the air, actually seeming to depress the fabric of time and space, so that all in its wake ripples like water.

Including your hand. It feels really weird, too, like something's tugging at the center of your marrows, trying to pull your hand inside out. It's not painful or even especially uncomfortable, it's just really weird.

You give the bullet a quick shake in the air. Your fingers wobble like reflections in a pool of rainwater.

Holy fuck this thing is so damn cool.

You carefully stow this away in your gear.

> Head towards Zalazane, rifle at the ready
>Attempt to speak to him
> Walk confidently over to Zalazane and ask him about the girl he always watched.
> If Zalazane does not give the information, threaten him with Larry.
>Wonder how the hell Zalazane's lived this long without a head, and walk over to him.
>Cast flares along the way in case Zalazane has spies.

You crouch by the edge of the Isle, staring across the dreary water towards the fog-shrouded Echo Isle.

Zalazane is in there. You can feel him.

All you have to do, now, is get to him.

> Put Larry away and get Scratchfever back out, because I don't want to risk Zalazane getting eaten by that goddamn landshark... thing.

As much as you are really beginning to regret Taming this horrible thing, he does have one thing Scratchfever, who's memory is looking better and better, does not: the ability to safely ferry you over this water.

You hate to admit it, but for the moment you're stuck with him.

(Larry is now at 85% Happiness!
Larry is an Endless Pit of Ravening)

> /target Zalzane
> /lick

He's not in Lick Range just yet, but your tongue is so ready.

> Contemplate, for perhaps the last time, the scrumptious harpy rumps that were abandoned...

When in disgrace with fortune and men’s eyes
I all alone beweep my outcast state,
And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries,
And look upon myself, and curse my fate,

Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,
Featur’d like him, like him with friends possess’d,
Desiring this man’s art, and that man’s scope,
With what I most enjoy contented least;

Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising,
Haply I think on thee,—and then my state,
Like to the lark at break of day arising
From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven’s gate;
For thy sweet love remember’d such wealth brings
That then I scorn to change my state with kings.
You brush your fingers against your lips and blow a kiss, to all the Harpies you've known.

> /target Zalazane
> /cut off tongue
> /throw at Zalazane
> /lick

You grasp your tongue firmly between your thumb and forefinger, brandish your Skinning Knife, and -

Something about the way Larry is staring expectantly at you gives you pause.

You very slowly lower the knife.

> Empty your bowels. If you're going to go up and interrogate Zalzane, it wouldn't do well to soil yourself in the middle of it all. Plus, maybe Larry would eat it...

You know that he will. You know this, I know this, everybody knows this. You feel very uneasy as you pull down your Mail Pants and you really don't like the way he's looking at you right now as you-

No. You're not looking. That's not happening. It's not. It's just not.

(Larry is now a 95% Happiness!
Larry is an Endless Pit of Ravening)

Everything, just, just everything about that shark is fucking wrong. Just everything.

> Take a 3 minute powernap


> With your epic engineering skillz create a freakin' magazine for your damn gun. Seriously? Why do you load each bullet individually?

A magazine, you say? Child's play.

You take your Skinning Knife and Mail Helmet Nearly Out of Red-Dyed Water, quickly dismantle and re-create them anew, into a sleek, crescent-shaped box that will assuredly permit Automatic Fire, when attached to your Rifle.

(Tednugent has received item: Unstable Automatic Jamming Machine)


Maybe... maybe you'll attach it... later.

> Attempt to charm the creatures by playing your Arcanite Ripper.
> Pull a Jack Black on your Arcanite Ripper... maybe using the Saronite Godstorm Shell for a pick. Hey, it probably has more uses than just shooting!

You nervously slide your Ripper into your hands, producing a pick from a Hidden Pouch you sewed into your bracer. You can't bring yourself to use the Saronite Godstorm Shell for this. You hands are shaking. Badly shaking. The Ripper judders in your hand as you carefully, tentatively, press your pick to the-

Larry places a large, webbed, paw on your arm. Slowly and with great strength, he forces your hand down, away from the String. Larry stares coldly, blindly, accusingly at you as he does this, his huge, gaping maw heaving slightly, eyes tiny and blank and dumb and he's right. He's right. You should know better. You do know better.

You wipe the sweat from your brow as you return your Ripper to its Axe position.


That was close

> Wait till the Worm has passed in its patrol, then ride Larry onto the main island.
> Head towards Zalazane, keeping an eye out for zombies, trying to avoid the giants

dum da dum da dum da dum DUM DUM DUM da dum da dum DUM DUM DUM

There, there, go, go, go.

Larry slides off of the shore as you kneel on his long, broad back and very swiftly emulates deadwood, drifting lazily along.

Uh. This was cool and all when you were being dramatic, but there's something of a time limit going on here. You try to urge him to go faster without actually putting your hands near where he can do anything terrible to them.

(Larry's Happiness is now 45%!
Larry is an Endless Pit of Ravening.)

Oh good, he's losing Happiness much faster than usual while ferrying you.

You pour Glyphed Mend Pets right into the top of his head but it's just keeping you almost even with his sudden Happiness drain and your mana pool is -

(Your Mana Pool is now 25%!)


You've only got enough juice for about another thirty seconds of Happiness for this fucking shark and that Middling Ravening Worm has nearly completed its cycle.

The speed Larry's going, it will be pretty much right on top of you in moments.

> /lick Middling Ravening Worm
> If unpossible, /lick anything lickable in the immediate vicinity, before Making a Automatic Shark Launcher using Larry and your Arcanite Ripper, and shooting Larry at the Worm.

You do this exact thing in your mind, and in your mind it is the most awesome thing that has ever been. Your Automatic Shark Launcher would make you the Toast of Azeroth, the Scourge of the Alliance and Hero of the whole damn world.

Deathwing would rise up from his slumber, try to be all oohhh no, look out for me, imma break the world and then you'd shoot him in the face with a fucking shark.

There is no problem in this world that cannot be solved by launching sharks at it.

In reality, you know you'd only end up with a Self-Destructing Entropy Machine that would swallow up you and half of Azeroth if you ever tried to build an Automatic Shark Launcher, but hey, a kid can dream, can't he?

It does, however, give you a very good idea, but all those Glyphed Mend Pets have left you almost dry.

There's no time to wait around until you Decide to drink your last Mana Potion, so you take matters into your own hands and pop it on your own.

(Your Mana Pool is now at 100%)

>Cast Hunter's Mark on the Worm
>Cast Aspect of the Dragonhawk
>Open fire, while urging Larry to attack!
>Scream like a little girl, spin, and open fire on the worm. If you kill the worm, feed it to Larry.
>Ride your noble steed into battle with the worm
>Stab it in the damned face with your arcanite ripper
>Hold on while Larry feasts
>Disengage off of Larry's back and onto the main island! hopefully larry can take the worm by himself and feast upon it's corpse.
>If larry dies, screw him. Bring your cat back!

Here it comes.

You toss your Mark on the Middling Ravening Worm as it enters into range and it immediately becomes visible, undulating its way through the Fog. It's gigantic, better than twenty feet long. Its jaws are larger than your chest.

You're very very close to what you estimate to be its Aggro Range.

(Larry is at 5% Happiness!
Larry is a Pit of Endless Ravening.)

That's it, you creepy bastard, you just get nice and hungry.

You swap Aspect to Dragonhawk and the Middling Ravening Worm immediately aggros onto you, whipping through the air and spiralling down towards you, a force of nature with gigantic, saw-like teeth.

Almost there.

Larry burbles and shifts under your feet, beginning to forget why he's letting you ride on his back in the first place, when he clearly should be chewing on you right now.

He bucks underneath you and you hang on to his dorsal fin.


You run your palm over your Ripper's edge, cutting it open. Larry jerks in the water, suddenly, violently, nearly hurling you off his back.

The worm's teeth are close enough that you can see individual blood stains on them as it roars, shrieking, right at you-


You wave your bloodied hand over Larry's nose and lift it straight up and he lunges up out of the water, directly into the path of the Middling Ravening Worm. You kick off Larry's head at the very moment he collides with it, full force, both beasts nearly crumpling into each other midair.

Your foot comes down hard on the Middling Ravening Worm's head and you lurch forward, run down the length of its whipping, undulating tail, turn hard on your heel and Disengage.

You sail backwards through the air, wind roaring past your ears, watching as Larry and the Middling Ravening Worm writhe and thrash against each other, crashing down into the surf.

And then everything goes black.

............. ............. ............. ............. ............. ............. ............. .............

I know why ya here, mon. Ya here 'cause she sent ya. For justice. For revenge. Ta punish me for all me sins. The spirits, they blame me. They point to me and say "Zalazane, Zalazane look what ya done. Zalazane look what ya done. Help me, mon. I can't take this guilt no more.

You awaken with a start and sit up. You made it to Shore, safe on the sand.

Larry appears to have despawned. You don't know when, how or where and you don't really care just now. You'd half-expected to to find him chewing on your torso when you woke up.

Ah well. If he's alive, you're pretty sure you can Call him back. And if he's dead, well. Revive hasn't failed yet. Meanwhile, you just... you just want a moment of quiet, right now, your head really hurts.

You slowly pull yourself up to your feet. The Ocean is calm again, large, dark shapes floating through it like driftwood. There is no sign of the struggle that just occurred, so you really have no way of knowing how much time has gone by.

You shoulder your rifle and slide a bit behind a Vine-Hung Tree.

You are on the Main Echo Isle. The Fog Shroud is incredibly thick here - you can barely see more than a dozen yards in front of your face. You know this Isle to be large, mostly flat and covered with a Small Primordial Jungle.

At the center of it should be Zalazane, at his altar.

Dark shapes lurch through the Small Primordial Jungle around you, making soft, shuffling sounds of cloth against sand, the noises echoing and difficult to track in the soupiness of this Fog.

You have Track Undead currently running. There are really just zombies everywhere around you.

There doesn't seem to be much of a Path in this Small Primordial Jungle, but you're certain that as small as this Isle is, it'd be impossible to get Hopelessly Lost in there.

You check your rifle.

Right then.


Lore Nerd. Role Player. Raid Leader. Discipline Priest. Slightly Annoying. Also Likes Kittens.