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Om Nom Nom

Lincoln, NE
reply to Adalicia

You Awaken In Razor Hill (Part Seventeen)

> Check to see if the quest has been updated in my log due to this blackout/fall/etc
> Check quest log to see if anything about Mary's quest updated.

Quest Log - 3/25

*1) The Warchief must be informed of this at once!

*2) Mister Monster Likes to Dance

*3) (NEW) Mary's Quest – Step One

Hoo, boy! Looks like the world got yanked out from under your feet, didn't it?

Welcome to the Jungle!

Wherever could you be?

Wherever could Zalazane be?

How the hell are you going to get out of here?

And what's he doing, poking around in your head?

Chin up, sport, he's not in your head!

You're in his.

I'd be careful if I was you, that guy had some Strange Thoughts!

Good luck, killer!

Don't let her down!


Locate Zalazane.

Mary's Heart 0/1

…........... …........... …........... …........... …........... …........... …...........

> Go AFK for 3 minutes to makeself a sandwich.


> think about murlocks

You're really not sure why they haven't been accepted into the Horde with open arms yet.

They meet all the criteria: they're basically monsters, they've got godawful posture and they smell terrible.

It must be because of the Blood Elves.

Horde got themselves some Pretty and now all of a sudden they all think they're too good for Murlocs or something.

> Make sure that Catscratch is all right and give him a big hug. Tell him he is way better than the Cobra, and more fun at parties.

You give Scratchfever a quick once-over. Looks like he's pretty much completely unhurt and just thrilled as all-git-out to be back in the action again.

You give him a big hug and tell him you will never complain about Sad Kitty Hungry Now Face, ever again. He nuzzles you. Awwwwwww!

You start to tell him how much better he is than Stranglehold and he gives you a Look.

Of course he's better than any douchebag Snake.

For one thing, he's far more attractive and actually is a big hit at parties. His sleek, impeccably-groomed pelt and quick, self-deprecating sense of humor always go over like gangbusters.

For another, he can Score without dosing his date's drink with Tranq Shot.

> Cycle through tracking, seeing as you hear screeching animals before
> Check track giants. If nothing is up, go back to track hidden.
> Try to use eagle eyes.

This is bizarre.

Track Beasts is showing Starving Amphibious Sharks floating around like deadwood, exactly where they were around the Main Echo Isle. These blips are not corresponding to the water you can see.

Track Giants shows two Hulking Zalazane Zombies, close enough that one of them should be within arm's reach.

You swap Tracking to Undead and stare at your Gaming Abstraction. Zalazane Zombies. The exact same Zalazane Zombies, in pretty much exactly the same place they were the last time you Tracked them.

You pace around in the Pocket Cavern. Your position does not change relative to the blips. Your Tracking appears to have been.... frozen? No. Your dot might not be moving, but their blips are, shuffling around as normal.

You touch a Cave Wall. Rock-solid. Cold. Seems real.

You throw an Eagle Eyes and your vision immediately fills with Fog Shroud. You cancel the channel, rubbing your chin.

> Contemplate what in the name of Hell is going on here

It's like you're still standing in the middle of the Main Isle. Like you haven't gone anywhere.

Like this entire Zone-sized cavern is nothing but a Figment of your Imagination.


No, you have it wrong.

Zalazane's imagination.

That's what Mary's Quest said. You're in his head. This is Zalazane's Dream.

Best be careful, then. Tracking seems to be useless in here and if the environment isn't actually real, there's no telling what could possibly happen on a moment-by-moment basis.

So... basically, status quo maintained, then...

> Make sure that your Saronite Godstorm Shell is unharmed.

Not even a scratch.

You take it out and wave it around to make your hand go all wobbly again.

You wish you knew how to duplicate that Wrathful Juju stuff on your own, you could make millions if you marketed the Saronite Godstorm Shell as an Executive Desk Toy.

> Ponder what kind of powerful Juju could be in the Second kit if the First was enough to yield a shiny new magic bullet.

Well shit, son, no need to ponder, let's open it up and see!

> Checks Da Voodoo kit.
> More than check, read Da Voodoo Two kit
> If it seems like a good idea, execute any instructions therein

You peer around before sitting back against the Pocket Cavern Wall, setting the My Second Voodoo Kit on your lap.

'Be careful with this shit, the label cheerfully reminds you. 'This shit will kill you.''

You carefully open the box, gently removing another pamphlet and a small, black bottle. It rumbles in your hand as you move it.

You open the pamphlet.

'It's not Troll Sweat!

We're sorry for skipping the usual 'hello', but we figured we should probably start with that, before you do something stupid, like uncork it before you need it!

'Sup, Ace!

How's life been?

That was some smooth work back there on the beach! We were pretty sure you were basically fucked, but you pulled through like the champ you are!

Way to go!

Don't pat yourself too hard on the back though, you've got a ways to go and Guess Who's been sniffing around your trail!

Scrape, scrape, scrape baby, you know what that sound means!

But relax! We have full confidence you'll come through smelling like a rose.

Well, a rose that's spent some time in a compost heap, but still!

Enclosed is a complementary Bottle of Dire Mojo.

Be especially careful with it and be especially choosy with what you do with it, it'll only work once!

We've got money riding on you, sport!


You stare at the dark bottle in your hand. Well okay, then.

(Tednugent has received item: Bottle of Dire Mojo!)

> Imitate a paladin
> Bubblehearth

CLANK CLANK CLANK woooooo Lookit YOU with your big fancy Plate armor and your unmitigatable Holy Burst damage! Ain't you just the Belle of the Ball!

Blades of light! Brains of sand! You flex and flex and flex with your Arcanite Ripper – you like that, don't you?

Oh yeah you do. How 'bout some of this? Want some more? Here's a free sample, baby.

Paladin, looking for Arena Team! Anybody want a Paladin?

Oh you all want a Paladin, don't you. Oh yes. Every single one of you would just fucking kill your own mothers to get one of those shiny bastards on your team, you'll thrash yourselves into a fucking feeding frenzy over a Paladin, won't you.

Fifty veteran Hunters standing over in the corner with High Warlord and Conqueror and Of the Horde to their names, guys who've been through thirty levels of Hell and came back with all their limbs attached, oh no, fuck them, they can look, they can't touch, you're too busy courting some fucking Blood Elf schmuck in solid-gold Plate who got his first killing blow a week and a half ago, at your Arena Team but...

You sit down, fuming.

Justice. What the fuck is Justice?

There's no such thing. There's no such fucking thing.

Oh shit, your hands are transparent. You're fading away!

Scratchfever is very concerned.

(Your Self Esteem is now 45%!)

Your what? Oh hell, you need to do something fast -

> Be full of self. (BIG EGO)

You only wish there was anyone around to see you run down the Middling Worm's Tail. Nothing and no-one in this world has ever been so enormously ballsy and so unbelievably cool.

You might have something of a weak bladder, but you regularly pull off breathtaking shit so fine, you'd be covered in Exciting Undergarments hurled by screaming, worshipping Groupies right now, if only you were really on Azeroth.

They have money on you. The Da Voodoo people. You can't imagine guys – or whatever – like that putting down a bet if they weren't assured of the results.

You are too fucking badass for your own good. Nothing reaches you and nothing touches you. You're going to get out of this mess, go back to Orgrimmar, walk up to that pretty Bowyer in the Valley of Honor and kiss her, once and for all. You won't even say anything. You'll just walk up to her, sweep her into your arms and kiss her.

And she'll love it, too, because she's been waiting for you to stop stammering and shuffling and acting like a total retard whenever you're around her and just stuff your tongue in her mouth.

And then she will voluntarily join your gigantic Harem of Harpies and they'll all spend the rest of their days happily wrestling naked in a big pit of honeywine for the honor of rubbing your feet.

(Your Self-Esteem is now 85%!)

Your hands regain substance. You feel solid again.

Looks like you'll need to keep your spirits constantly high, or you run the risk of being subsumed into Zalazane's Dream.

> Sigh, furrow your brow, pat Scratchfever on the head, and VENTURE ON!
> Climb down the Rope Ladder to the Gravedigger's Shack.
> Investigate the Gravedigger's Shack, scanning for peculiar objects and signs of recent activity.

You rub your nose, stretch out your arms and legs, give Scratchfever a loving pat, and get to work.

You climb down the Rope Ladder – this is weird, you're positive that ledge was a lot higher up than this. You reach the ground swiftly and Scratchfever hops down the ledge, utilizing his high skill in Landing on his Feet to fwump down into a mound of soft soil next to you.

You are standing next to the Gravedigger's Shack. This is a small, wooden hut that appears to have been put together late at night while completely drunk. There's almost no planning involved here, it's just a bunch of wooden planks nailed together until it was vaguely Shack-like in shape and then haphazardly decorated with random bones and digging implements.

You peer closely at it. Enough planks were used that you can't see inside from out here. The Front Door appears to have been accidentally nailed shut, but all this wood is of fairly bad quality.

If you wanted to get in, you probably could pry the door open – or any of the walls for that matter – but there doesn't seem to be any way to get in until you do, there's nothing so much as a window here.

The Gravedigger's Yard is about the size of the first Isle you stopped on before moving in towards the Main and completely surrounded with a Wooden Fence that follows the same design as the Shack – it's just a bunch of planks thrown together.

To one side of the Shack is a huge pile of Mummified Trolls. They're stiff as boards and stacked up like timber, all wrapped up in Moldering Linen. Large heaps of soft, wet soil are mounded up to either side of the pile.

To the other side of the Shack are three Wheelbarrows, each one filled with an alarming variety of Digging Implements. There are shovels, spades, trench knives, pickaxes, mattocks, just piles and piles of them, no two exactly alike. Most of these Digging Implements aren't in very good shape, though, a lot of this wood is rotting and a lot of the metal is rusted.

The Wheelbarrows themselves are useless as Wheelbarrows - the wheels have basically rusted into solid masses of orange, thoroughly oxidized iron.

It doesn't seem like anyone's been anywhere near here in you don't even know how long.

> This is an Fucking creepy jungle... Make your kitty explore it!

You move to the edge of the fence and this place just does not stop being all fucked up.

Scale and Perspective appear to function oddly in Zalazane's Dream.

What initially appeared to be a vast, rolling Subterranean Primodrial Jungle now appears to be a Miniature Subterranean Primordial Jungle.

The trees are only a few inches tall each. The looming stone Troll Temple is only as tall as you are and apparently only actually about twenty yards away. You can reach up your hand to touch the Cavern Ceiling.

You can't find any way to open the fence for Scratchfever to get out to scout for you. You may need to pry it apart.

> Activate Aspect of the Monkey to traverse the jungle trees more easily.
> Under the influence of the monkey spirit, you have an unquenchable desire for Banana(s)!
> Search for Banana(s)!
> Once you have found Banana(s), begin exploring the village, while munching on Banana(s).

Well, you could traverse most of these trees by stepping over them honestly, but you do need some more Potassium in your diet.

Potassium ion is necessary for the function of all living cells, after all and Bananas are an excellent source of Potassium.

You reach over the fence and all the way down into the Miniature Subterranean Primordial Jungle – you need to pretty much hang over the fence, but Scratchfever holds on to your legs so you don't topple over – and harvest some Very Very Small Bananas.

You stare at the tiny spec of yellow in your palm. You're not sure how you managed to pick this without squashing it.

(Tednugent has received item: One (1) Bunch Microscopic Bananas)

> Make the most of your engineering skills and make a device out of stuff you find around this place.

You crack your knuckles and go into a Materials-Gathering-Frenzy, seizing Digging Implements and jamming them into your Unstable Automatic Jamming Machine with the exact same care and attention to detail as went into the Gravedigger's Shack.

(Tednugent has received item: Hazardous Shovel Array)

> Attempt to taunt Zalazane out of hiding by singing "Little Girls" by Oingo Boingo.

I love little girls they make me feel so good
I love little girls they make me feel so bad
When they're around they make me feel
Like I'm the only guy in town

I love little girls they make me feel so good
They don't care if I'm a one way mirror
They're not frightened by my cold exterior
They don't ask me questions
They don't want to scold me
They don't look for answers
They just want to hold me

Isn't this fun
Isn't this what life's all about
Isn't this a dream come true
Isn't this a nightmare too

They don't care about my inclinations
They're not frightened by my revelations

Uh oh take a second take
Uh oh it's a mistake
Uh oh I'm in trouble
Uh oh the little girl was just to little
Too little, too little, too little

Isn't this what life's all about
Isn't this a dream come true
Isn't this a nightmare too . . .

And I don't care what people say
And I don't care what people think
And I don't care how we look walking down the street

Scratchfever loves this song. He warbles along with you, breathtakingly off-key.

Doesn't seem like you've drawn out Zalazane, but the song's kept your spirits up.

What? They're cute.
(Your Self-Esteem is now 95%)

Lore Nerd. Role Player. Raid Leader. Discipline Priest. Slightly Annoying. Also Likes Kittens.