OK - So ekster was bored. Really bored. I began quoting Batman from this site I found using the old Adam West shows. These quotes were epic. Here's the site, and here's a sample:
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adamwest.tripod.com/b-lectur.htmDick: "Awww, heck! What's the use of learning French anyway?"
Bruce: "Dick, I'm surprised at you! Language is the key to world peace. If we all spoke each other's tongues, perhaps the scourge of war would be ended forever."
Dick: "Gosh, Bruce, yes. I'll get these darn verbs if they kill me!"
Batman: "Robin, you haven't fastened your safety bat-belt."
Robin: "We're only going a couple of blocks."
Batman: "It won't be long until you are old enough to get a driver's license, Robin, and you'll be able to drive the Batmobile and other vehicles. Remember, motorist safety."
Robin: "Gosh, Batman, when you put it that way.."
So, with that in mind, ekster started making his own quotes up. I followed suite, and this is the result. May not be funny to most, but I thought they were hilarious.
2w2d : 2011-02-18 10:37:19 : From ekster delete-ALL · delete · mark-unread · keep
The elderly man collapses, unable to breathe
Robin: Holy heart-attack, Batman! We must help him!
Batman: Don't be hasty, Robin. Remember that saving this elderly man will put a heavy burden on our taxes to keep him alive. We must let nature do it's thing for a better Gotham.
Robin: Gosh, I never thought of that, Batman. You're always right.
Batman: Ice cream?
Robin: Oh gosh Batman, yes please! Double chocolate, triple vanilla please!
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2w2d : 2011-02-18 11:06:29 : To ekster : delete · keep
The eldery woman starts screaming for help.
Robin: Holy loud crone, Batman! Should we help her?!
Batman: Never rush your thinking, Robin. She's breaking the noise ordinance laws of this neighborhood. Remember that there are other people to consider as well, and those of an inconsiderate nature must sometimes pay the penalty for their actions. Otherwise, they may not learn their lesson.
Robin: Should we call the Police?
Batman: That would be a waste of these good people's tax dollars, Robin; and they are already paying a price by having their peaceful neighborhood pierced by her screams. We'll take her downtown ourselves in the Batmobile.
Robin: Then can we get ice cream?
Batman: Of course, Robin. I wouldn't want to keep you from your delectible treat longer than necessary.
2w2d : 2011-02-18 11:34:40 : From ekster delete-ALL · delete · mark-unread · keep
The elderly woman kicks and screams as Batman and Robin shove her in the back of the Batmobile
Robin: Gosh Batman, she sure is loud!
Batman: Robin, it seems like we have no choice. Her uncooperative behaviour is disrupting my driving abilities and putting innocent citizens at risk.
Batman hands a bataclub to Robin
Robin: Wow! Batman, really? You're letting me do it? Gosh, thanks!
Batman, eyes twitching: Just make it quick.
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2w2d : 2011-02-18 11:41:26 : To ekster : delete · keep
The elderly woman stops screaming and lies in a pool of blood.
Robin: Holy blunt object to the temple Batman, I think she's dead!
Batman: Then it looks like your ice cream will have to wait a little longer Robin. I'll need to change direction, signalling first, and head to the Gotham Morgue.
Robin: You mean we can't just dump her in the sewage plant?
Batman: Robin! Aside from being unsanitary, we must not forget what happened to another person thought dead and dumped into a sewer plant. He's now residing in Arkham Asylum, under the name of the Joker. I'd hate to think of an older version of him running free in Gotham. One is enough.
Robin: Batman, I got this sick feeling when I hit the elderly woman in the temple with the blunt object. Do you think it means anything?
Batman: Sometimes we get preminitions of our future Robin. But I wouldn't worry about it.
2w2d : 2011-02-18 11:50:11 : From ekster delete-ALL · delete · mark-unread · keep
Batman and Robin return to the Batmobile, after dropping the body off at the Gotham Morgue; telling the story that they found her like that on the street.
Robin: Holy lie-bonanza Batman! Is it really okay that we lied to him?
Batman: It's not always the right thing to do, Robin, and you should never do it. It's just... deep down, I am not a good person, Robin. But you are. So never lie.
Robin: Gee gosh, if you put it this way, Batman.
Batman: Now, why do we not call Batgirl and ask her to clean up the Batmobile while we go have some of that ice cream.
Robin: Sounds great, Batman!
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2w2d : 2011-02-18 12:00:27 : To ekster : delete · keep
Batgirl arrives and begins cleaning out the back seat.
Robin: Holy stares a lot, Batman. Why are you looking that way at Batgirl?
Batman: It's something we can discuss when you're a little older Robin. Let's go for a little walk while Batgirl finishes up, before I do something that may violate our good country's statutory rape laws.
Robin: Look Batman! There's someone trying to steal that women's purse!
Batman: You must pay attention to your entire surroundings, Robin. That woman is old and fat, so expending energy to help her will result in little reward. But see there, that man is urinating behind a tree. There is much greater reward and humor in humiliating him in the park in front of all these people. Let's go.
Robin: Gosh Batman. I learn so much from you.
2w2d : 2011-02-18 12:44:11 : From ekster delete-ALL · delete · mark-unread · keep
As Batman and Robin succeed in humiliating the man in the park, Batgirl arrives.
Batman: See the reward I spoke of, Robin?
Robin: Gosh, groovy!
Batgirl: Sorry to be interrupting your male bonding, boys, but my female intuition, and my sparkly purple Batgirl radio is telling me that we have a real emergency this time!
Batgirl turns around and runs off to her Batcycle
Robin: Oh gosh wow, she is amazing, Batman!
Batman: In more ways that you can imagine, Robin. In a lot more ways. Her and her species of female.
Robin: Oh gosh, I can't wait to discover!
Batman: Neither can I, Robin. Neither can I.
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2w2d : 2011-02-18 12:56:48 : To ekster : delete · keep
Batman and Robin race to the Batmobile, and head to the scene.
Robin: So what's the emergency, Batman?! Is Penguin Pilfering Prized Piggies? Is Joker Jesting Jubilant Journalists? Is Riddler Ravaging Reading Rainbow?
Batman: None of the above, boy wonder. But your consonent repetition certainly needs some work. See here, our destination.
Robin: But it's the ice cream parlor.
Batamn: I really wanted some ice cream. And Batgirl can handle herself.
Robin: But Batman, what if she gets captured.
Batman: *sigh* Then I guess we'll have to eat quickly. But not too quickly, Robin. We don't want to end up with ice cream headaches.
Robin: I just got a text on the BatiPhone that Penguin captured Batgirl.
Batman: *sigh* Ice cream headache, here I come......
2w2d : 2011-02-18 13:18:06 : From ekster delete-ALL · delete · mark-unread · keep
Batman and Robin race to the Batmobile, and head to the real scene.
Penguin: I always hated bats, but I kind of like you Batgirl...
Batgirl looks at him in a surprisingly disgusting way
Penguin: ...like you to feed my little birds! Hahahaha!
Batman: Only I get to like her, Penguin. Beak off my girl!
Robin: Wow, Batman! But don't you mean your Batgirl?
Batman: Yes, yes I do. Hands off of her!
Penguin: Hahaha. No. She's mine!
Batman: Listen. I had a really lousy day, and I now have a really bad ice cream head ache. So just hand her over.
Penguin: You have a headache? A bad day? I had a bad life because of you! You freak in a costume!
Hundreds of penguins with beady little eyes appear, with lasers on their heads.
Robin: Oh, holy-mountain-of-beady-little-eyed-penguins-with-deadly-lasers, Batman! What do we do?
Batman: I have just the thing for this in my Batbelt! I have a special reflective Bat-mirror-shield. But it's only big enough for you. So you take it and charge, while I stand behind the wall over there.
Robin: Oh gosh, thanks Batman! Really. Just thanks!
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