Way to use your noggin!
Count your blessings with the good luck (relatively speaking) that you've had. I should be so lucky!
What I wanted to give a thumbs up for was this:
"I finally had to camp out at the employee entrance of the Verizon CO and catch a DSL cross connect tech on his way back from lunch, and bribe him with a box of doughnuts, in order to get someone to finally straighten out this Verizon created debacle that same day."
Bribery. Works for me! Donuts, coffee, cash... anything beats having to stay on hold while some idiot reads a flowchart telling us to reboot our modem... again.