dslreports logo
site
 
    All Forums Hot Topics Gallery
spc

spacer




how-to block ads


Search Topic:
uniqs
5400
share rss forum feed
Expand your moderator at work


Kalford
Seems To Be An Rtfm Problem.
Premium,MVM
join:2001-03-20
Ontario
kudos:1
reply to vue666

Re: Today's Funnies & Jokes


:-)


Kardinal
Dei Gratia Regina
Premium,Mod
join:2001-02-04
N of 49th
Right foot on red = ouchie!


urbanriot
Premium
join:2004-10-18
Canada
kudos:3
reply to vue666
A lot of the images in this thread made me snort laugh.


vue666
Small block Chevies rule
Premium
join:2007-12-07
Halifax, NS
kudos:1
reply to vue666
Click for full size
Click for full size
Click for full size
Click for full size
Some more funny photos...


vue666
Small block Chevies rule
Premium
join:2007-12-07
Halifax, NS
kudos:1
Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it.

Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.

************************************

Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one...

Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?

************************************

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in.

************************************

Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five dots.

************************************

Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

This one and the next are our personal favorites!

************************************

A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.

Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: 'No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.'


Rifleman
Premium
join:2004-02-09
p1a

1 recommendation

reply to vue666


vue666
Small block Chevies rule
Premium
join:2007-12-07
Halifax, NS
kudos:1
reply to vue666
A few funnies....


vue666
Small block Chevies rule
Premium
join:2007-12-07
Halifax, NS
kudos:1
Definition of a wetback.... LOL


vue666
Small block Chevies rule
Premium
join:2007-12-07
Halifax, NS
kudos:1
reply to vue666
The Queen's Riddle

Obama met with the Queen of England.

He asked her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?"

"Well," said the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."

Obama frowned, and then asked, "But how do I know the people around are really intelligent?"

The Queen took a sip of tea.. "Oh, that's easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle."

The Queen pushed a button on her intercom. "Please send Tony Blair in here, would you?"

Tony Blair walked into the room and said, "Yes, Your Majesty?"

The Queen smiled and said, "Answer me this, please, Tony. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister.

Who is it?"

Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answered, "That would be me."

"Yes! Very good," said the Queen.

Obama went back home to ask Joe Biden the same question. "Joe, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"

"I'm not sure," said Biden. "Let me get back to you on that one." He went to his advisers and asked everyone, but none could give him an answer.

Finally, Biden ran in to Sarah Palin out eating one night. Biden asked, "Sarah, can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Sarah Palin answered right back, "That's easy, it's me!"

Biden smiled, and said, "Thanks!" Then, he went back to speak with Obama. "Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It's Sarah Palin!"

Obama got up, stomped over to Biden, and angrily yelled into his face, "No! You idiot! It's Tony Blair!"

AND THAT IS PRECISELY WHAT'S GOING ON AT THE WHITE HOUSE!!!


vue666
Small block Chevies rule
Premium
join:2007-12-07
Halifax, NS
kudos:1
reply to vue666

A new Doctor......


I recently picked a new primary care doctor.

After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, she said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age. (I'm approaching 60).

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking her, 'Do you think I'll live to be 80?'

She asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquor?

'Oh no,' I replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'

Then she asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued Ribs?

'I said, 'Not much... my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'

'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?'

'No, I don't,' I said.

She asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lots of sex?'

'No,' I said.

She looked at me and said,.. 'Then, why do you even give a sh1t?


vue666
Small block Chevies rule
Premium
join:2007-12-07
Halifax, NS
kudos:1
reply to vue666
A Prayer...... .

Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;

Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods;

Because Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death!


vue666
Small block Chevies rule
Premium
join:2007-12-07
Halifax, NS
kudos:1
reply to vue666

THE SHOEBOX


A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years.

They had shared everything. They had talked about everything.

They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little

old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had

cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.

For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but

one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said

she would not recover.

In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took

down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside.

She agreed that it was time that he should know what was

In the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls

and a stack of money totaling $95,000.

He asked her about the contents.

'When we were to be married,' she said, ' my grandmother told me

the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that

if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a
doll.'

The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two

precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two

times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with

happiness.

'Honey,' he said, 'That explains the dolls, but what about all of this
money?

Where did it come from?'

'Oh,' she said, 'that's the money I made from selling the dolls.'


andyb
Premium
join:2003-05-29
SW Ontario
kudos:1
reply to vue666
Some I seen last few weeks








andyb
Premium
join:2003-05-29
SW Ontario
kudos:1
By the way I dont find the first one funny per say as its true but it does bring a chuckle when I think its "arnold" saying it