Sports → This is football comedy gold

»deadspin.com/5938903/why ··· a-eagles

Some highlights:

"Once upon a time, the media decided that all Philly fans are unapologetic assholes, and the town took that and ran with it. It's as if the entire town is trying to live up to a reputation no sane person would want to have. You know what? I hope Andy Reid gets four more years."

"Our most popular player is a convicted puppy killer and a confirmed coach killer. He once beat a dog to death by repeatedly slamming it against the ground like a bag of ice at a BBQ. Think about that. Yet he is a phenomenal athlete capable of taking over a game and putting on a display like no one else in the history of the sport. When I learned that we signed him, it was like learning that Santa Claus is real, and brings all those presents, but is also a serial rapist. Watching this team is a numb, joyless experience spent pondering the conflict between morality and entertainment. Ron Mexico ruined football for me."

"Just let me yell at Andy Reid in peace without worried about being on the end of a drunken diving elbow drop."

"In a season in which the organization made it quite clear they were going for it all, the 2011 Philadelphia "Dream Team" Eagles attempted to win a Super Bowl while getting rid of their proven veteran field goal kicker (who had a tremendous season with the 49ers instead) in favor of a rookie kicker and hired a defensive coordinator who had never coached defense at the NFL level. Okay. So let's recap. When trying to win THE SUPER BOWL.... according to my football team... field goals and defense... NOT THAT IMPORTANT."

OMG...the whole series is comedic gold. Funny, funny stuff.

LOL

Go to the right side of the page for other teams:
»deadspin.com/why-your-te ··· ks-2012/

I like the Saints one:
»deadspin.com/5933331/why ··· cks-2012

Read through a bunch they are pretty good.

The funniest part is the fans that email in long rants about how Drew Magary is a complete moron and everything he said about their team is wrong.

I listen to Drew Magary 1 or 2 days each week on The Sports Reporters on ESPN980. He's funny as hell and knows a lot about sports. I really enjoy the guy.

The one about the Redskins is good.

quote:

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3. The worst stadium experience in the NFL. Never go to FedEx Field. Ever. Going to FedEx Field is like traveling 30 years into the future to catch a glimpse of America's eventual economic ruin. Biker gangs encircle you for minutes at a time. People are drinking pure ethanol. Women are tit-grabbed at every possible opportunity. It is perhaps the least welcoming environment on Earth. The stadium itself is a gravestone, a lifeless slab of concrete designed strictly with the mission of packing in as many sweaty bodies as possible, like the steerage cabin of a 19th century immigrant ship. No one goes to FedEx because they like it. Half of the Redskins fans in attendance stand there during the game, watching the Redskins lose, thinking to themselves, "Why do I keep doing this?" And there's no good answer to that. None.

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This blurb from the Redskins fans section got my attention:

"Hardly anyone inside the District boundaries cares about this franchise - or hasn't cared since 1992. People inside the Beltway would rather spend their Sundays working, sitting in their Delaware beach houses or watching RedZone. The team's core fan base lives in dumpster fires like Woodbridge, Virginia and La Plata, Maryland...."

Those writeups are just hilarious, thanks for posting this.

New Orleans Saint

quote:

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4. Holy shit, this defense. No Tracy Porter. No Jonathan Vilma for a year. No Will Smith for four games. Bear in mind that this is the same defense that allowed Alex Smith to throw for two touchdowns in the final 2:18 of last season's divisional playoff loss. And now it's somehow even worse. The season hasn't even started yet and Vernon Davis has already caught 500 yards worth of passes against it. GOOD THING MY MAWMAW MADE THIS HERE BLACKENED GUMBOLAYA HOOWEE SOMEBODY GIT ME A WASHBOARD AND A SPOON SO WE CAN HAVE A BOUCHERIE.

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Yeah, unbelievable hilarious. I wasted a good two hours reading athem and was ROTFLMAO. Thanks.

Wow that's some funny stuff. Even the comments are funny. This comment from the Eagles post had me cracking up:I also cracked up when I realized the ball magically moved from the 4 yard line to the 1 yard line.

Anyway, Drew Magary writes some funny stuff. I must have spent three or four hours on that site. And this surprises me because I read his book, The Postmortal, a few months ago and it was pretty serious.