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Thardorian

join:2010-11-05
Evans Mills, NY

1 recommendation

Lets take back our games, a call to arms for decent men.

Original at »jezebel.com/5938972/a-call-to-ar···cent-men

A Call to Arms for Decent Men
Ernest W. Adams
Guys, we have a problem. We are letting way too many boys get into adulthood without actually becoming men. We're seeing more and more adult males around who are not men. They're as old as men, but they have the mentality of nine-year-old boys. They're causing a lot of trouble, both in general and for the game industry specifically. We need to deal with this.

Why us? Because it's our job to see to it that a boy becomes a man, and we are failing.
When we were little boys we all went through a stage when we said we hated girls. Girls had "cooties." They were silly and frilly and everything that a boy isn't supposed to be. We got into this stage at about age seven, and we left it again at maybe 10 or 11.

Then puberty hit and, if we were straight, we actively wanted the company of girls. We wanted to "go with" them, date them, and eventually we wanted to fall in love and live with one, maybe for the rest of our lives. That's the way heterosexual boys are supposed to mature, unless they become monks.

My point is, you're supposed to leave that phase of hating girls behind. Straight or gay, you're supposed to grow the hell up.

What might be temporarily tolerable in a boy when he's nine is pretty damned ugly when he's fifteen and it's downright psychopathic when he's twenty. Instead of maturing into a man's role and a man's responsibilities, a lot of boys are stuck at the phase of hating girls and women. The boys continue to treat them like diseased subhumans right through adolescence and into adulthood.

Men have more power than women: financially, politically, and physically. What distinguishes a real man from a boy is that a man takes responsibility for his actions and does not abuse this power. If you don't treat women with courtesy and respect –- if you're still stuck in that "I hate girls" phase –- then no matter what age you are, you are a boy and not entitled to the privileges of adulthood.

If you want to have some private little club for males only –- like keeping women out of your favorite shooter games –- you're not a man, you're an insecure little boy. A grown-up man has no problem being in the company of women. He knows he's a man.
If you freak out when a girl or a woman beats you in a game, you're not a man, you're a nine-year-old boy. A man doesn't need to beat a woman to know he's a man. A man is strong enough to take defeat in a fair game from anybody and move on.
If your masculinity depends on some imaginary superiority over women, then you don't actually have any. Manliness comes from within, and not at the expense of others.
And if you threaten or abuse women, verbally or physically, you are not a man. You're a particularly nasty specimen of boy.
When this puerile mentality is combined with the physical strength and sexual aggressiveness of an older boy or an adult male, it goes beyond bad manners. It's threatening and anti-social, and if those boys are permitted to congregate together and support each other, it becomes actively dangerous. Yes, even online.

Of course, I don't mean all boys are like this. Most of them get out of the cootie phase quickly and grow up just fine. But far too many don't. If we don't do something about these permanent nine-year-olds pretty soon, they're going to start having boys of their own who will be just as bad if not worse, and life will not be worth living. Life is already not worth living on Xbox Live Chat.

In addition to the harm they do to women –- our mothers, our sisters, our daughters -– these full-grown juveniles harm us, too. A boy who refuses to grow up has lousy social skills, a short attention span, and a poor attitude to work. Furthermore, all men –- that's you and me, bro –- get the blame for their bad behavior. And we deserve it, because we've been sitting on our butts for too long. We let them be bullies online and get away with it.

Some of you might think it's sexist that I'm dumping this problem on us men. It isn't; it's just pragmatic. Women can not solve this problem. A boy who hates girls and women simply isn't going to pay attention to a woman's opinion. The only people who can ensure that boys are taught, or if necessary forced, to grow up into men are other men.

Let's be clear about something else. This is not a political issue. This is not a subject for debate, any more than whether your son is allowed to swear at his mother or molest his sister is a subject for debate. There is no "other point of view." The real-world analogy is not to social issues but to violent crime. Muggers don't get to have a point of view.

So how do we change things?

First, we need to serve as positive examples. With the very little boys, we need to guide them gently but firmly out of the cootie phase. To the impressionable teenagers, we must demonstrate how a man behaves and how he doesn't. Be the change you want to see. Use your real name and your real picture online, to show that you are a man who stands behind his words. Of course, you can't prove your name is real, but it doesn't matter. If you consistently behave with integrity online, the message will get across.

Secondly, we men need to stand up for courtesy and decency online. We can't just treat this as a problem for women (or blacks, or gays, or anybody else the juvenile bullies have in their sights). Tell them and their friends that their behavior is not acceptable, that real men don't agree with them, that they are in the minority. Say these words into your headset: "I'm disappointed in you. I thought you were a man, not a whiny, insecure little boy." Don't argue or engage with them. Never answer their questions or remarks, just repeat your disgust and disapproval. Assume the absolute moral superiority to which you are entitled over a bully or a criminal.

Finally, we need to put a stop to this behavior. It's time for us to force the permanent nine-year-olds to grow up or get out of our games and forums. It's not enough just to mute them. We need to build the infrastructure that precludes this kind of behavior entirely -– Club Penguin has already done it for children -– or failing that, we have to make the bullies pay a price for their behavior. Appealing to their better nature won't work; bullies have none. We do not request, we do not debate, we demand and we punish.

I have some specific suggestions, from the least to the most extreme.

Mockery. In 1993 50 Ku Klux Klansmen marched through Austin, Texas. Five thousand anti-Klan protestors turned up to jeer at them. Best of all, several hundred lined the parade route and mooned the Klan in waves. The media ate it up, and the Klan looked ridiculous. The hurt that they wanted to cause was met not with anger but with derision. The juvenile delinquents are just like the Klan in 1993: anonymous in their high-tech bedsheets, and threatening, but in fact, a minority. Let's use our superior numbers and metaphorically moon the boys who can't behave. They're social inadequates, immature losers. Let's tell them so, loud and clear, in front of their friends.
Shut them up. The right to speak in a public forum should be limited to those who don't abuse it. James Portnow suggested this one in his Extra Credits video on harassment. Anyone who persistently abuses others gets automatically muted to all players. The only players who can hear them are those who choose to unmute them. Or another of James' suggestions: New users don't even get the right to talk. They have to earn it, and they keep it only so long as they behave themselves. This means a player can't just create a new account to start spewing filth again if they've been auto-muted. Build these features into your games.
Take away their means. If you're the father of a boy who behaves like this online, make it abundantly clear to him that it is unmanly and unacceptable, then deny him the opportunity to do it further. We don't let nine-year-olds misuse tools to hurt other people. Take away his cell phone, his console and his computer. He can learn to behave like a man, or he can turn in his homework in longhand like a child.
Anonymity is a privilege, not a right. Anonymity is a double-edged sword. A limited number of people need it in certain circumstances: children, crime victims, whistleblowers, people discussing their medical conditions, political dissidents in repressive regimes. But those people normally don't misuse their anonymity to abuse others; they're protecting themselves from abuse. I think the default setting in all online forums that are not intended for people at risk should require real names. After a user has demonstrated that they are a grown-up, then offer them the privilege of using a pseudonym. And take it away forever if they misuse it. I haven't used a nickname for years except in one place where all the readers know who I am anyway. Has it made me more careful about what I say? You bet. Is that a good thing? Damn right it is.
Impose punishments that are genuinely painful. This suggestion is extreme, but I feel it's both viable and effective. To play subscription-based or pay-as-you-go ("free-to-play-but-not-really") games, most players need to register a credit card with the game's provider. Include a condition in the terms of service that entitles the provider to levy extra charges for bad behavior. Charge $5 for the first infraction and double it for each subsequent one. This isn't all that unusual; if you smoke in a non-smoking hotel room, you are typically subject to a whopping extra charge for being a jerk.
Now I'm going to address some objections from the very juvenile delinquents I've been talking about -– if any of them have read this far.

"What's the big deal? It's harmless banter. If you can't stand the heat, get out of the game." To start with, it's our game, not yours, and we get to decide what's acceptable behavior. You meet our standards or you get out. Apart from that, nothing that is done with intent to cause hurt is harmless. The online abuse I have seen goes way beyond banter. Threats are not harmless, they are criminal acts.
"But this is part of gamer culture! It's always been like this!" No, it is not. I've been gaming for over 40 years, and it has not always been like this. Yours is a nasty little subculture that arrived with anonymous online gaming, and we're going to wipe it out.
"This is just political correctness." Invoking "political correctness" is nothing but code for "I wanna be an asshole and get away with it." I'll give you a politically-incorrect response, if you like: fuck that. It's time to man up. You don't get to be an asshole and get away with it.
"You're just being a White Knight and trying to suck up to women." I don't need to suck up to women, thanks; unlike you, I don't have a problem with them, because I'm a grown man.
"Women are always getting special privileges." Freedom from bullying is a right, not a privilege, and anyway, that's bullshit. Males are the dominant sex in almost every single activity on the planet. The only areas that we do not rule are dirty, underpaid jobs like nursing and teaching. Do you want to swap? I didn't think so.
"It's hypocrisy. How come they get women-only clubs and we don't get men-only clubs?" Because they're set up for different reasons, that's why. Male-only spaces are about excluding women from power, and making little boys whose balls evidently haven't dropped feel special. Female-only spaces are about creating a place where they are safe from vermin.
"But there's misandry too!" Oh, and that entitles you to be a running sore on the ass of the game community? Two wrongs don't make a right.. I'll worry about misandry when large numbers of male players are being hounded out of games with abuse and threats of violence. If a few women are bigoted against men, you only have to look in the mirror to find out why.
"Free speech!" The oldest and worst excuse for being a jerk there is. First, you have no right to free speech in privately-owned spaces. Zero. Our house, our rules. Second, with freedom comes the responsibility not to abuse it. People who won't use their freedoms responsibly get them taken away. And if you don't clean up your act, that will be you.
OK, back to the real men for a few final words.

This is not about "protecting women." It's about cleaning out the sewers that our games have become. This will not be easy and it will not be fun. Standing up to these little jerks will require the same courage from us that women like Anita Sarkeesian have already shown. We will become objects of hatred, ridicule, and contempt. Our manhood will be questioned. But if we remember who we are and stand strong together, we can beat them. In any case we won't be threatened with sexual violence the way women are. We have it easier than they do.

It's time to stand up. If you're a writer, blogger, or forum moderator, please write your own piece spreading the message, or at least link to this one. I also encourage you to visit Gamers Against Bigotry, sign the pledge, and share it.
Use your heavy man's hand in the online spaces where you go –- and especially the ones you control –- to demand courtesy and punish abuse. Don't just mute them. Report them, block them, ban them, use every weapon you have. (They may try to report us in return. That won't work. If you always behave with integrity, it will be clear who's in the right.)

Let's stand shoulder-to-shoulder with the women we love, and work with, and game with, and say, "We're with you. And we're going to win."



Mentat
Premium
join:2001-02-25
Sugar Land, TX

tl;dr

btw girls are gross



Jobbie
Keep It Simple
Premium
join:2010-08-24
Mexico
kudos:5

said by Mentat:

tl;dr

btw girls are gross



Savious
Premium
join:2012-03-05
Belgrade, MT
kudos:4

2 recommendations

reply to Thardorian

I read for about 5 min, then I went and beat my wife.



bionicRod
Funkier than a mohair disco ball.
Premium
join:2009-07-06
united state
kudos:2

2 recommendations

reply to Thardorian

I read this for about five minutes, then I went to Saviouss's house and "consoled" his wife.



I AM
Premium
join:2010-04-11
Ephrata, PA
kudos:4
reply to Thardorian

Most women do not game.



Thardorian

join:2010-11-05
Evans Mills, NY

1 recommendation

said by I AM:

Most women do not game.

That doesn't make it any less incumbent on us men to ensure that those women who do play are not placed into an exclusionary environment.


Jobbie
Keep It Simple
Premium
join:2010-08-24
Mexico
kudos:5

said by Thardorian:

said by I AM:

Most women do not game.

That doesn't make it any less incumbent on us men to ensure that those women who do play are not placed into an exclusionary environment.

Antonica yells at me every time she can, so what about poor men being in a exclusionary environment.
--
Judge a man by the trials of his shield, not the empty reaping of his sword.


Savious
Premium
join:2012-03-05
Belgrade, MT
kudos:4

said by Jobbie:

said by Thardorian:

said by I AM:

Most women do not game.

That doesn't make it any less incumbent on us men to ensure that those women who do play are not placed into an exclusionary environment.

Antonica yells at me every time she can, so what about poor men being in a exclusionary environment.

See, you let them get out of hand and they start getting all uppity. Romney 2012
--
Jobbie told me to keep my signature the same. This is me rebelling.


Antonica
Premium
join:2002-09-02
reply to Jobbie

Who said you could post in this thread? Get back to leveling the guild.



Jobbie
Keep It Simple
Premium
join:2010-08-24
Mexico
kudos:5

IT IS DONE ALREADY!!!!

FINE!

/leavedslr



Jobbie
Keep It Simple
Premium
join:2010-08-24
Mexico
kudos:5

/thread



Antonica
Premium
join:2002-09-02
reply to Jobbie

you owe ME a sammich



Savious
Premium
join:2012-03-05
Belgrade, MT
kudos:4
reply to Jobbie

Ha!

What guild are you leveling? WoW of GDub2?



Jobbie
Keep It Simple
Premium
join:2010-08-24
Mexico
kudos:5

We were really close on getting 25 on the WoW guild so we just did what it was missing.

So you all can see the oppression the male section of dslr has to endure.

brb sammich time.
--
Judge a man by the trials of his shield, not the empty reaping of his sword.



Savious
Premium
join:2012-03-05
Belgrade, MT
kudos:4

Think of all the unpaid foot massages Arch gives...



bTU

join:2009-04-22
Aurora, CO
reply to Thardorian

I'm all for treating other people decently, but sometimes we need a place to just be a man.
--
He who controls the Spice, controls the universe.


El Quintron
Resident Mouth Breather
Premium
join:2008-04-28
Etobicoke, ON
kudos:4
Reviews:
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1 recommendation

reply to Thardorian

There's something that got under my skin about the article the OP is referring to;

quote:
Anonymity is a privilege, not a right. Anonymity is a double-edged sword. A limited number of people need it in certain circumstances: children, crime victims, whistleblowers, people discussing their medical conditions, political dissidents in repressive regimes. But those people normally don't misuse their anonymity to abuse others; they're protecting themselves from abuse. I think the default setting in all online forums that are not intended for people at risk should require real names. After a user has demonstrated that they are a grown-up, then offer them the privilege of using a pseudonym. And take it away forever if they misuse it. I haven't used a nickname for years except in one place where all the readers know who I am anyway. Has it made me more careful about what I say? You bet. Is that a good thing? Damn right it is.

Why is it that whenever we talk about someone's "rights" online anonymity goes on the block?

I'm not disputing the rest of the issues that need to be addressed regarding misogyny, just that I think misogyny can be addressed without altering the fundamental character of the internet.

Lastly; gaming is about competition, and there's a difference between being competitive, and misogynistic. The overal tone of the article seems to be that we should ditch most (if not all) competitve behavior to prevent misogyny, honestly I think the author might be throwing out the baby with the bathwater at this point; because s/he hasn't even broached the issue of competitive behavior in gaming.

/rant.

Sorry to get all serious on yas.
--
Support Bacteria -- It's the Only Culture Some People Have


Archivis
Your Daddy
Premium
join:2001-11-26
Earth
kudos:19
reply to Antonica

said by Antonica:

you owe ME a sammich

This is my life, in a nutshell.


Archivis
Your Daddy
Premium
join:2001-11-26
Earth
kudos:19
reply to Thardorian

Also, this article is retarded. I'll read through something this lengthy, but the author doesn't know didly shit shit and I stopped halfway through.

Men who see women as sub-human don't function in the real world. They're not powerful individuals, because they lack the ability to socialize with other males off the Internet. At best, they wear trenchcoats and spend their lives working in call centers while posting on 4chan about all the alpha things they did, but really just imagined.
--
A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have. -MLK



Jobbie
Keep It Simple
Premium
join:2010-08-24
Mexico
kudos:5
reply to Archivis

said by Archivis:

said by Antonica:

you owe ME a sammich

This is our life, in a nutshell.

FIFY
--
Judge a man by the trials of his shield, not the empty reaping of his sword.


I AM
Premium
join:2010-04-11
Ephrata, PA
kudos:4

1 edit

IDK if it's just me but the OP's post doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Who ever wrote it is....IDK what to say.



mettachain
Goblineer

join:2011-09-27
Azeroth
kudos:1

He is from Evans Mills, NY. That's a pretty depressed area where it seems the women are pretty bitchy. At least they were when I was up at Fort Drum back in 02.
--
Good evening!



KrK
Heavy Artillery For The Little Guy
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Tulsa, OK

1 recommendation

reply to Thardorian



Krisnatharok
Caveat Emptor
Premium
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Earth Orbit
kudos:12
reply to Thardorian



TweedleDum
10,000 Days

join:2005-11-02
Omaha, NE

1 recommendation

reply to KrK

I have to say, this really made me laugh out loud ( i like to spell it out when i actually do it), and i am not sexist in any way.

I've played with women gamers all my life, they don't like to voice their presence usually because people make a big deal about it.
--
"That's no fair! They've got rocks and all we've got is machine guns!" - Snidley Whiplash



TigerLord
Resident pentaxian
Premium,Mod
join:2002-06-09
Canada
kudos:8
reply to Thardorian

Jezebel isn't home to sharp edge journalism but this piece was well written. You guys must be dumber than I thought

All joking aside, he has a point: the decorum has taken a nosedive in the past decade. Just take a look at the LoL or WoW community: is there something more repulsive? Except a herpes infected penis? I don't think so.



Koil
Premium
join:2002-09-10
Irmo, SC
kudos:2

said by TigerLord:

Except a herpes infected penis?

Whoa whoa whoa...let's keep your personal life outta this.


Mashiki
Balking The Enemy's Plans

join:2002-02-04
Woodstock, ON
kudos:1
Reviews:
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reply to I AM

said by I AM:

Most women do not game.

Welcome to 1982 I guess? I'd better let the GF and my sister know, they'll be heartbroken. Last stat numbers I saw they made up between 25-40% of the market depending on the genre and the system.

nickdigger

join:2009-06-13
reply to Thardorian

Trashtalk is part of any competition. If the grrrrls can't take it, they can always form their own collective, where they can be supportive and blow rosy sunshine up each others' ass. Then when that gets old, they can ridicule their hair, weight, handbags, and fingernail glitter, until the weakest start cutting themselves.