|reply to s1deout |
Re: [MoP] How to motivate the rest of my guild
GM:Let me have your attention for a moment! So you're talking about what? You're talking about...(puts out his cigarette)...bitching about that mob you shot, some son of a bitch that doesn't want to grind rep, somebody that doesn't want what you're selling on the AH, some noob you're trying to screw and so forth. Let's talk about something important. Are they all here?
Assistant GM: All but one.
GM: Well, I'm going anyway. Let's talk about something important! (to Raid Leader) Put that coffee down!! Coffee's for closers only. (Raid leader scoffs) Do you think I'm fucking with you? I am not fucking with you. I'm here from the Guild. I'm here from the officer council. And I'm here on a mission of mercy. Your name's Raid leader, Isatankxxx?
Raid leader: Yeah.
GM: You call yourself a raid leader, you son of a bitch?
Healing lead: I don't have to listen to this shit.
GM: You certainly don't pal. 'Cause the good news is -- you're fired. The bad news is you've got, all you got, just one week to regain your jobs, starting tonight. Starting with tonights Raid. Oh, have I got your attention now? Good. 'Cause we're adding a little something to this raid clear contest. As you all know, first prize is a chopper. Anyone want to see second prize? Second prize's a set of throwing knives. Third prize is you're fired. You get the picture? You're laughing now? You got strats. Officer council paid good gold for your respecs. Watch tankspot to see how it's done! You can't kill the raid bosses with the strats you're given, you can't kill shit, you ARE shit, hit the bricks pal and beat it 'cause you are going out!!!
Raid leader: The strats are weak.
GM: 'The strats are weak.' Fucking strats are weak? You're weak. I've been in this business 8 years.
Healing lead: What's your name?
GM: FUCK YOU, that's my name!! You know why, Mister? 'Cause you drove a riding pony to get here tonight, I drove a Heroic 25man drake. That's my name!! (to raid leader) And your name is "you're wanting." And you can't play in a man's game. You can't kill them..you go home and tell your wife your troubles.Because only one thing counts in this life! Get them to die on the spot which is marked! You hear me, you fucking faggots?
(GM flips over a blackboard which has two sets of letters on it: ABC, and AIDA.)
GM: A-B-C. A-always, B-be, C-Clearing. Always be Clearing.! Always be Clearing.!! A-I-D-A. Attention, interest, decision, action. Attention -- do I have your attention? Interest -- are you interested in progressing? I know you are because it's fuck or walk. You close or you hit the bricks! Decision -- have you made your decision for Christ?!! And action. A-I-D-A; get out there!! You got the strats comin' in; you think they came in to get out of the rain? Boss doesn't walk in the instance unless he wants to die. Sitting out there waiting to give you it's loot! Are you gonna take it? Are you man enough to take it? (to heal lead) What's the problem pal? You. Isaalwayshealinxxx.
Isaalwayshealinxxx: You're such a hero, you're so rich. Why you coming down here and waste your time on a bunch of bums?
(GM sits and takes off his ring)
GM: You see this ring? You see this ring?
GM: That ring cost more than your gear. I made 9,000 achievements points last year. How much you make? You see, pal, that's who I am. And you're nothing. Nice guy? I don't give a shit. Good father? Fuck you -- go home and play with your kids!! (to everyone) You wanna be on the raid team? Clear!! (to DPS lead) You think this is abuse? You think this is abuse, you cocksucker? You can't take this -- how can you take the abuse you get on a raid?! You don't like it -- leave. I can go out there tonight with the strats you got, make myself a thousand VPs and a heroic clear! Tonight! In two hours! Can you? Can you? Go and do likewise! A-I-D-A!! Get mad! You sons of bitches! Get mad!! You know what it takes to clear instances?
(He pulls something out of his traveling pack)
GM: It takes brass balls to clear a raid instance.
(He's holding two brass balls on string, over the appropriate "area"--he puts them away after a pause)
GM: Go and do likewise, gents. The loot's out there, you pick it up, it's yours. You don't--I have no sympathy for you. You wanna go out on those raids tonight and clear it, clear it, it's yours. If not you're going to be shining my shoes. Bunch of losers sitting around in a inn. (in a mocking weak voice) "Oh yeah, I used to be a raider, it's a tough racket." (he takes out large stack of red index cards tied together with string from his traveling pack) These are the new strats. These are the Vodka strats. And to you, they're gold. And you don't get them. Why? Because to give them to you is just throwing them away. (he hands the stack to Assistant GM) They're for raiders.
I'd wish you good luck but you wouldn't know what to do with it if you got it. (to raid leader as he puts on his ring again) And to answer your question, pal: why am I here? I came here because the officer council asked me to, they asked me for a favor. I said, the real favor, follow my advice and fire your fucking ass because a loser is a loser.