dslreports logo
 
    All Forums Hot Topics Gallery
spc
Search similar:


uniqs
9805

Kitlope
join:2004-07-29
Edmonton, Ab

Kitlope to vue666

Member

to vue666

Re: Some jokes & funnies....

How does the blonde turn on the light after sex? Opens the car door.

Why did Little Johnny rub toothpaste between his balls? So he wouldn't get a cavity like his sister.
jaberi
join:2010-08-13

jaberi

Member

A truck driver was in one such restaurant having breakfast one morning. A motorcycle gang member came over to him, picked up his coffee and poured it over his toast, then picked up the toast and mushed it into his bacon and eggs. The truck driver got up, paid the bill and left. The gang member said to the waitress, "That truck driver was not much of a man, he wouldn't even stand up and fight for his rights." The waitress replied, "He is not much of a truck driver either. He just drove over a dozen motorcycles on his way out of the parking lot."
jaberi

jaberi to vue666

Member

to vue666
Lmao
vue666 (banned)
Let's make Canchat better!!!
join:2007-12-07

vue666 (banned)

Member



THE BEST BLONDE JOKE OF THE YEAR - SO FAR

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house

and went straight to the mailbox.

She opened it then slammed it shut and Stormed back in the house.

A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mail box and again, opened it, slammed it shut again.

Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box,

opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, 'Is something wrong?'

To which she replied, 'There certainly is!'
(Are you ready? This is a beauty....)

'My stupid computer keeps saying, 'YOU'VE GOT MAIL!'
vue666

vue666 (banned)

Member



ENJOY - A Blonde's Year in Review

January
Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February
Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.....
Helllloooo!!!.......bottles won't fit in printer!!!

March
Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....
Box said ' 2-4 years!'

April
Trapped on escalator for hours ...
Power went out!!!

May
Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions....
8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!

June
Tried to go water skiing.......
Couldn't find a lake with a slope.

July
Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....
Learned later that the other swimmers cheated- they used their arms!!!

August
Got locked out of my car in rain storm.....
Darn car filled up with water because convertible top was open.

September
The capital of California is 'C'....isn't it???

October
Hate M & M's....They are so hard to peel.

November
Baked Thanksgiving turkey for 4 1/2 days ...
Instructions said bake 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!

December

Couldn't call 911.
'Duh'.....there's no 'eleven' button on the stupid phone!!!
vue666

vue666 (banned)

Member

Click for full size
vue666

vue666 (banned)

Member

A few more chuckles....

Jackorama
I Am Woman
Premium Member
join:2008-05-23
Kingston, ON

Jackorama to vue666

Premium Member

to vue666
Click for full size
Found this picture and found it to be both funny and educating.
bjlockie
join:2007-12-16
Ontario

bjlockie to vue666

Member

to vue666
I came here because I thought this thread was about the Maple Leafs.
Funny thread anyways.

Jackorama
I Am Woman
Premium Member
join:2008-05-23
Kingston, ON

1 recommendation

Jackorama to vue666

Premium Member

to vue666
Works for me.
vue666 (banned)
Let's make Canchat better!!!
join:2007-12-07

vue666 (banned)

Member

Click for full size
Click for full size
Some more...
vue666

1 recommendation

vue666 (banned)

Member

 
 
Click for full size
vue666

vue666 (banned)

Member

Go to Canada they said...LOL
vue666

vue666 (banned)

Member


elwoodblues
Elwood Blues
Premium Member
join:2006-08-30
Somewhere in

elwoodblues to Jethro86

Premium Member

to Jethro86
Nope

Jethro86
join:2005-05-27
Winchester, ON

Jethro86 to elwoodblues

Member

to elwoodblues
Throw one cigarette away so that they have a match?

elwoodblues
Elwood Blues
Premium Member
join:2006-08-30
Somewhere in

elwoodblues to vue666

Premium Member

to vue666
Ok here is a brain teaser.

3 men on a boat, with 4 cigarettes and no way to light them.

How do they smoke?

I'll give you the answer in morning.

Thane_Bitter
Inquire within
Premium Member
join:2005-01-20

Thane_Bitter to vue666

Premium Member

to vue666
Terrible sign, what is wrong with "please clean up after your dog"?
vue666 (banned)
Let's make Canchat better!!!
join:2007-12-07

vue666 (banned)

Member

LOL
vue666

vue666 (banned)

Member

Click for full size
Montreal Canadiens announce new official team skate....

FiReSTaRT
Premium Member
join:2010-02-26
Canada

FiReSTaRT to vue666

Premium Member

to vue666


Sad but true
vue666 (banned)
Let's make Canchat better!!!
join:2007-12-07

vue666 (banned)

Member

Click for full size
Too funny....

Jackorama
I Am Woman
Premium Member
join:2008-05-23
Kingston, ON

Jackorama to vue666

Premium Member

to vue666
Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

Understanding Engineers #2

To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Understanding Engineers #3

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!" The priest said, "Here comes the greens-keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello George, What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime!." The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything she can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

Understanding Engineers #4

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.

Understanding Engineers #5

The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Understanding Engineers #6

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Understanding Engineers #7

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

Understanding Engineers #8

An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want." Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool."

Understanding Engineers #9
Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A
woman walked by and asked what they were doing.
"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Sven, "but we don't have a ladder."
The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the
pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her pocketbook, took
a measurement, announced, "Twenty one feet, six inches," and walked away.
One engineer shook his head and laughed, "A lot of good that does us. We ask for
the height and she gives us the length!"
Expand your moderator at work
vue666 (banned)
Let's make Canchat better!!!
join:2007-12-07

vue666 (banned)

Member

Re: Some jokes & funnies....

 
 
LOL
vue666

vue666 (banned)

Member

 
 
vue666

vue666 (banned)

Member



Blonde in Tim Hortons....

A blonde goes into a Tim Horton's and notices there's
a 'roll up the rim' sticker on her coffee cup.
So she unfolds it and starts screaming,
'I've won a motorhome!
I've won a motorhome!'
The waitress says, 'That's impossible.
The biggest prize is car .?'
But the blonde keeps on screaming,
'I've won a motorhome!
I've won a motorhome!'
Finally, the manager comes over and says,
'Ma'am, I'm sorry, but you're mistaken.
You couldn't have possibly won a motorhome
because we didn't have that as a prize.
The blonde says, 'No, it's not a mistake.
I've won a motorhome!'
And she hands the cup to the
manager and HE reads...


'W I N A B A G E L'

Le Test
@videotron.ca

4 recommendations

Le Test to vue666

Anon

to vue666
said by vue666:

WHY SENIORS STILL NEED NEWSPAPERS

Alzheimer Test
If you are over 40 yrs. old, you SHOULD take this Alzheimer's Test.
See how fast can you guess these words and fill-in the blanks?

1. _ _NDOM

2. F_ _K

3. P_N_S

4. PU_S_

5. S_X

6. BOO_S

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Answers:

1. RANDOM

2. FORK

3. PANTS

4. PULSE

5. SIX

6. BOOKS

You got all 6 wrong....
didn't you?

You do NOT have Alzheimer's.

You are a Pervert.
vue666 (banned)
Let's make Canchat better!!!
join:2007-12-07

vue666 (banned)

Member

WHY SENIORS STILL NEED NEWSPAPERS

I was visiting my daughter last night when
I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.

"This is the 21st century" she said. "We don't waste money on
newspapers. Here… use my iPad."

I can tell you this….. that stupid fly never knew what hit him...


FiReSTaRT
Premium Member
join:2010-02-26
Canada

FiReSTaRT to vue666

Premium Member

to vue666