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vue666
Small block Chevies rule
Premium
join:2007-12-07
Halifax, NS
kudos:2
reply to vue666

Re: Some jokes & funnies....



elwoodblues
Elwood Blues
Premium
join:2006-08-30
Somewhere in
kudos:2
reply to Jethro86
Nope


Jethro86

join:2005-05-27
Winchester, ON
reply to elwoodblues
Throw one cigarette away so that they have a match?


elwoodblues
Elwood Blues
Premium
join:2006-08-30
Somewhere in
kudos:2
reply to vue666
Ok here is a brain teaser.

3 men on a boat, with 4 cigarettes and no way to light them.

How do they smoke?

I'll give you the answer in morning.
--
My Name is Wiley E Coyote, Super Genius


Thane_Bitter
Inquire within
Premium
join:2005-01-20
reply to vue666
Terrible sign, what is wrong with "please clean up after your dog"?


vue666
Small block Chevies rule
Premium
join:2007-12-07
Halifax, NS
kudos:2
reply to vue666
LOL


vue666
Small block Chevies rule
Premium
join:2007-12-07
Halifax, NS
kudos:2
reply to vue666
Click for full size
Montreal Canadiens announce new official team skate....


FiReSTaRT
Premium
join:2010-02-26
Canada
Reviews:
·Velcom
reply to vue666


Sad but true
--
If you have an apple and I have an apple and we exchange these apples then you and I will still each have one apple. But if you have an idea and I have an idea and we exchange these ideas, then each of us will have two ideas.
—George Bernard Shaw


vue666
Small block Chevies rule
Premium
join:2007-12-07
Halifax, NS
kudos:2
reply to vue666
Click for full size
Too funny....


Jackorama

join:2008-05-23
Kingston, ON
reply to vue666
Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

Understanding Engineers #2

To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Understanding Engineers #3

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!" The priest said, "Here comes the greens-keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello George, What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime!." The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything she can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

Understanding Engineers #4

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.

Understanding Engineers #5

The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Understanding Engineers #6

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Understanding Engineers #7

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

Understanding Engineers #8

An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want." Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool."

Understanding Engineers #9
Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A
woman walked by and asked what they were doing.
"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Sven, "but we don't have a ladder."
The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the
pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her pocketbook, took
a measurement, announced, "Twenty one feet, six inches," and walked away.
One engineer shook his head and laughed, "A lot of good that does us. We ask for
the height and she gives us the length!"
--
"Whenever they invent something that's moron proof, someone comes by and invents a better moron."

"Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?"

"Those of you who think you know everything are annoying those of us who do."
Expand your moderator at work


vue666
Small block Chevies rule
Premium
join:2007-12-07
Halifax, NS
kudos:2
reply to vue666

Re: Some jokes & funnies....

 
 
LOL


vue666
Small block Chevies rule
Premium
join:2007-12-07
Halifax, NS
kudos:2
reply to vue666
 
 


vue666
Small block Chevies rule
Premium
join:2007-12-07
Halifax, NS
kudos:2
reply to vue666


Blonde in Tim Hortons....

A blonde goes into a Tim Horton's and notices there's
a 'roll up the rim' sticker on her coffee cup.
So she unfolds it and starts screaming,
'I've won a motorhome!
I've won a motorhome!'
The waitress says, 'That's impossible.
The biggest prize is car .?'
But the blonde keeps on screaming,
'I've won a motorhome!
I've won a motorhome!'
Finally, the manager comes over and says,
'Ma'am, I'm sorry, but you're mistaken.
You couldn't have possibly won a motorhome
because we didn't have that as a prize.
The blonde says, 'No, it's not a mistake.
I've won a motorhome!'
And she hands the cup to the
manager and HE reads...


'W I N A B A G E L'


Le Test

@videotron.ca

4 recommendations

reply to vue666
said by vue666:

WHY SENIORS STILL NEED NEWSPAPERS

Alzheimer Test
If you are over 40 yrs. old, you SHOULD take this Alzheimer's Test.
See how fast can you guess these words and fill-in the blanks?

1. _ _NDOM

2. F_ _K

3. P_N_S

4. PU_S_

5. S_X

6. BOO_S

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Answers:

1. RANDOM

2. FORK

3. PANTS

4. PULSE

5. SIX

6. BOOKS

You got all 6 wrong....
didn't you?

You do NOT have Alzheimer's.

You are a Pervert.


vue666
Small block Chevies rule
Premium
join:2007-12-07
Halifax, NS
kudos:2
reply to vue666
WHY SENIORS STILL NEED NEWSPAPERS

I was visiting my daughter last night when
I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.

"This is the 21st century" she said. "We don't waste money on
newspapers. Here… use my iPad."

I can tell you this….. that stupid fly never knew what hit him...



FiReSTaRT
Premium
join:2010-02-26
Canada
Reviews:
·Velcom
reply to vue666



ZZZZZZZ
Premium
join:2001-05-27
PARADISE
kudos:1

1 recommendation

reply to vue666
Click for full size
I love the polls of his Dad.


FiReSTaRT
Premium
join:2010-02-26
Canada
Reviews:
·Velcom
reply to vue666



vue666
Small block Chevies rule
Premium
join:2007-12-07
Halifax, NS
kudos:2

1 recommendation

reply to vue666
High School Biology Test

Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk.
The question was worth 70 points or none at all. One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages. However, he wrote:

1) It is perfect formula for the child.

2) It provides immunity against several diseases.

3) It is always the right temperature.

4) It is inexpensive.

5) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.

6) It is always available as needed.

And then the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test, he wrote:

7) It comes in two attractive containers and it's high enough off the ground where the cat can't get it.

He got an A.


vue666
Small block Chevies rule
Premium
join:2007-12-07
Halifax, NS
kudos:2
reply to vue666
Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing,
explaining why he keeps a colour photo of himself above
his locker:

"That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still
find my clothes."

--------------------------------------------------------

Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson going to
prison:
"Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He
went to prison for three years, not Princeton!"

--------------------------------------------------------


vue666
Small block Chevies rule
Premium
join:2007-12-07
Halifax, NS
kudos:2

1 recommendation

reply to vue666
2 Blondes & a Sod Truck....

I know you will have to smile over this...
so don't try to hold it back.
Two blondes were sipping their Starbucks when a truck
went past loaded up with rolls of sod.
"I'm going to do that when I win the lottery," announced Blonde No.1
"Do what?" asked Blonde #2.
"Send my lawn out to be mowed."


vue666
Small block Chevies rule
Premium
join:2007-12-07
Halifax, NS
kudos:2
reply to vue666
Blind Date.....

"How was your blind date?" a college student asked her roommate.

Terrible!" the roommate answered.

He showed up his 1932 Rolls Royce."

Wow! That's a very expensive car.

What's so bad about that?"

"He was the original owner."


Jackorama

join:2008-05-23
Kingston, ON
reply to vue666
Modern Masterpieces of Humor: The Art of Humorous Amazon Reviews. »www.brainpickings.org/index.php/···reviews/

Amazon Funniest Reviews »www.amazon.com/gp/feature.html?i···01250201


WhaleOilBee
What a long strange trip it's been

join:2011-08-02
Manotick, ON
Reviews:
·Acanac

1 recommendation

reply to vue666
A 1st grade school teacher had twenty-six students in her class. She presented each child in her classroom the 1st half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. While reading, keep in mind that these are first-graders, 6-year-olds, because the last one is a classic!

1. Don't change horses... until they stop running.
2. Strike while the... bug is close.
3. It's always darkest before... Daylight Saving Time.
4. Never underestimate the power of... termites.
5. You can lead a horse to water but... How?
6. Don't bite the hand that... looks dirty.
7. No news is... impossible
8. A miss is as good as a... Mr.
9. You can't teach an old dog new... Math
10. If you lie down with dogs, you'll... stink in the morning.
11. Love all, trust... Me.
12. The pen is mightier than the... pigs.
13. An idle mind is... the best way to relax.
14. Where there's smoke there's... pollution.
15. Happy the bride who... gets all the presents.
16. A penny saved is... not much.
17. Two's company, three's... the Musketeers.
18. Don't put off till tomorrow what... you put on to go to bed.
19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and... You have to blow your nose.
20. There are none so blind as... Stevie Wonder.
21. Children should be seen and not... spanked or grounded..
22. If at first you don't succeed... get new batteries.
23. You get out of something only what you... See in the picture on the box
24. When the blind lead the blind... get out of the way
25. A bird in the hand is... going to poop on you.

And the WINNER and last one!

26 Better late than... Pregnant

Should children witness childbirth? Good question.

Here's your answer.

Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yrold girl to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby...
Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Heidi pushed And pushed and after a little while, Connor was born.

The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry.
The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-yr old what she thought about what she had just witnessed..
Kathleen quickly responded, 'He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place.....smack his butt again!'


Robrr

join:2008-04-19
Guelph, ON
reply to vue666


BigSensFan
Premium
join:2003-07-16
Whitby, ON
kudos:1
reply to vue666


vue666
Small block Chevies rule
Premium
join:2007-12-07
Halifax, NS
kudos:2
reply to vue666


vue666
Small block Chevies rule
Premium
join:2007-12-07
Halifax, NS
kudos:2

1 recommendation

reply to vue666
A balding, white haired man from Chebacco Lake, Florida, walked into a jewelry store this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.

The man said, ‘No, I’d like to see something a little more special.’

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. ‘Here’s a stunning ring at only $40,000 the jeweler said. The lady’s eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.

The old man seeing this said, ‘We’ll take it.’

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated, ‘By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I’ll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I’ll pick the ring up Monday afternoon.’

On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said, ‘There’s no money in that account.’

‘I know,’ said the old man, ‘But let me tell you about MY GREAT WEEKEND!’


Thane_Bitter
Inquire within
Premium
join:2005-01-20
reply to lugnut