Canadian Chat → Re: Tax Heads Up for Child Support Payers

I buy gifts, I shouldn't buy 100% of the clothing. And child support goes for "clothing, food and 'a roof'" It doesn't go for "gifts".

As I said, I have them more than "the weekend", it closer to 40% which is the cutoff.

I take serious issue, though, when I buy clothing for the kids, and the mom ends up wearing it, or if it's my son, she gives it to her other son. I'm not there to cloth her or her other kids.

I don't hate her. I just don't like my kids coming to my house every time with destroyed clothing that is 2 sizes too small.

And where did I say that I shouldn't buy the kids gift? Sorry that that happened to you. My kids mom doesn't buy them any gifts at all and tells them "it's my job". I'm okay with that.

It's very likely in the near future that they both will be more than 60% of the time, which changes everything, I'm not expecting the mom to buy them any clothing, as that's what child support is for.

Why don't you worry about doing what's right for your kids and less about what you are legally obligated to do.

If your ex is a piece of shit and won't get them the clothing they deserve you should still step up and do so.

The gesture will come back in spades later on when they get older and you won't end up like DJ.

If you are concerned about their care, you should be the one trying to obtain primary custody. If you're proceeding down this road, you seem to care enough in that regard.

Peterboro is right, though. This isn't about the money, it's about what's right. My dad was king of this kind of shit that you mentioned earlier. Because of that (among *many* other things) we didn't talk for close to 15 years. We are only just starting to again now. Lots of time lost over petty bullshit we can never get back. Even though you may not be overt and obvious about this kind of stuff to your kids, they'll figure it out on their own. Your children aren't kids forever, but the resentments can last a lifetime.

what do you mean "end up like me"?

my point about the tax issue is we don't get to claim ANY deductions for the child, the mother does (this of course assumes the mother has custody, which is often the case)...if the mother gets all the deductions for having the child, the father should at least get the deduction for support payments.

Your memory is failing you. Remember this thread.

»Child Support Payments - neverending

yes, i remember...this thread is about taxes relating to support payments so i'm not sure why that was relevant...unless of course you just love to dig stuff up to throw in people's faces...be thankful you never had to endure it.

The resentments you built with your child are relevant in the context of someone who may be going down the road of doing the same with theirs do to their perception of everything support related being unfair.

I was going to point out that the sentiments of the father in this case and the DJ case were germane but you beat me to it.

i don't have resentment for my son...i don't have any relationship with him (other than as an ATM for most of his life)...she left shortly after he was born and moved away, close enough to keep things "legit" but far enough to make it challenging to maintain any regular contact, especially considering the financial circumstances i was left with...i don't have any "ill" feelings towards him at all...he didn't ask to be in this situation.

Sometimes the truth hurts. When jeffer is in his 60s and 70s counting down his days remaining on this earth, he'll come to the realization that having a son who wants nothing to do with him and wants no part of carrying on his father's legacy after he's gone simply wasn't worth any of the anger he had for his ex.

I truly hope he comes to that realization sooner, because even the mere thought of this happening to me should the relationship I am in now fall apart scares the living bejesus out of me. I suppose he must feel even a shred of something similar. If he doesn't, I would have no choice but to question the very core of his humanity.

*sigh*

i'm not sure what the "sigh" is for...i didn't have a relationship...and as i mentioned before, i'm not even sure if i am the biological father, as i found out after she left she had been cheating on me as well.

Welp, if this is the first thing that comes to your mind when someone mentions your son, perhaps it is best for him and everyone else involved that you aren't a part of his life, and - indeed, with the attitude demonstrated here - probably never will be, either.

as i said before, rather than criticize me, be thankful you haven't had to go through it yourself.

Even if I do, I won't be like you.

For all my father's faults and all the stupid things he did, at lease he never even once questioned whether I was actually his son.

That's what I do. I buy my kids clothing for school, boots for winter, coats and jackets for the season. I can get pissed off if this clothing is worn by my kids mother or giving to other kids in the house or neighbourhood, and I can also remind people that child support is for clothing, among other things, for my kids, not other things.

How can I obtain primary custody when the court/stupid judge ruled that mom got primary custody?

I'm looking at the court order now....I think I can provide a better life for my daughter than mom....mom's on ODSP...hasn't worked in 5 years...and my daughter I feel suffers as a result. I can't quantify this suffering but is my only recourse to wait for my daughter to grow up and realize the situation that she's in and have enough cognitive thought?

I don't begrudge the system, it is what it is...my daughter knows that I love her very much and work within my work schedule to try and see her as much as I can. In fact were going to come down to the big city and go to one of them waterparks on March Break...its going to be a veritable zoo but I do it for her because she loves it so much and the smile on her face makes it all worth while.

I just want my daughter to know her dad loves her and that he's always there for her, not just for March Break stuff, but other stuff, I don't mind buying her clothes and gifts and food and other things...the money isn't important to me, it doesn't really matter to me.

I have resentment towards my father...and he lived with me....resentment that may very well last a lifetime but that's another story for another day.

I'm just wondering if there's any hope out there for me to try and give my daughter a better life....

Not sure what your dad did, but I am that type of dad that bought my daughter the new 5G iPod touch and engraved it "with love, from mom and dad". Didn't see a dime. My daughter doesn't know any better. I'm annoyed when my kids come over in winter without proper clothing and boots, especially when I ask my daughter, "where are your boots?" And she said her mom is wearing them. Nice. But I simply don't have the money to be buying new coats and new boots every time I get them.

If my kids ever want to live with me, that will have to be their decision. The courts usually don't favour the dads. And several other things: their mom does not do drugs, does not drink, works full time, and provides a decent house. Since they also have 2 half-siblings, courts would also frown upon taking the kids away from their brothers and sisters, especially since they live in a different city. She's not a horrible person, she's just very inconsiderate, and hasn't put her shit together. We get along fine. But I do get pissed off when they tell me that their mom refuses to buy them clothing.