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jimhamilton
Facto Non Verba
Premium Member
join:2002-03-21
Emmetsburg, IA

8 recommendations

jimhamilton

Premium Member

[Joke] Choo Choo Time

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. “Miss Whack, I’d like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday.” Pattie looks at the frog in disbelief but takes a loan form out of her drawer. “May I please have your name?” The frog puffs himself up proudly. “Kermit Jagger, my dad is Mick Jagger and I’m a friend of the bank manager.” Pattie’s eyes widen, but she continues filling in the application. “Mr. Jagger, you will need to secure the loan with some collateral.” “I have this,” the frog says and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall – bright pink and perfectly formed. Pattie blinks at the elephant several times. “I’m afraid I’m going to have to consult with the manager on this.” She takes the elephant and disappears into a back office. Pattie walks up to the manager. “There’s a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral.” She holds up the tiny pink elephant. “What in the world is this?” The bank manager looks back at her with a straight face. “It’s a knick-knack, Pattie Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man’s a Rolling Stone”

jopfef
Home of The Rat Patrol
MVM
join:2001-03-31
Saint Louis, MO

1 recommendation

jopfef

MVM

Groan....



Santa Fe
BUT.....I Digress!

join:2000-08-22
Freight Yard

1 recommendation

Santa Fe

Q: What is the difference between a school teacher and a steam locomotive? A: The school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, while the locomotive says "Choo Choo Choo!"

Q: What wobbles when it flies? A: A jellicopter!

Q: What do you call a train that eats toffee? A: A chew, chew train.

Q: Why is the railroad angry? A: Because people are always crossing it!

Q: Why can't the engineer be electrocuted? A: Because he's not a conductor!

Q: Why can't a steam locomotive sit down? A: Because it has a tender behind

Q: How many conductors does it take to change a light bulb? A: Only one, but to no avail. He first punches a hole in the new bulb.

Two Blondes

Two blondes were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks. The first blonde said: "These look like deer tracks." And the other one said: "No they look like moose tracks." They argued and argued for a while and they were still arguing when the train hit them.

Hotel Manager

A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have a drink at the bar, but his wife is extremely tired so she decides to go on up to their room to rest. She lies down on the bed... just then, and elevated train passes by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she's thrown out of the bed. Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down once more. Again a train shakes the room so violently, she's pitched to the floor. Exasperated, she calls the front desk, asks for the manager. The manager says he'll be right up. The manager is skeptical but the wife insists the story is true. "Look... lie here on the bed -- you'll be thrown right to the floor!" So he lies down next to the wife. Just then the husband walks in. "What," he says, "are you doing here!?!" The manager calmly replies, "Would you believe I'm waiting for a train?"

Railroad President

At a station stop, the railroad's president walked up to the locomotive and spoke to the engineer. "You were going 65 mph and the speed limit is only 60 mph, I saw it myself on the speedometer in the business car!" After a heated exchange, the engineer finally said "You couldn't possibly have been going 65, my speedometer said 60 mph and we never saw you go by us!"

Railroad Tracks

Two drunks were walking upgrade between the railroad tracks. One of them said, "This is is longest stairway I have ever been on." To this, the other replied, "It's not the stairs that bother me, it's the low banister."