 TigerLordResident pentaxianPremium,Mod
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| Facebook and your children My 12 year old cousin, who is objectively a good looking kid (her parents are lookers), has just posted a picture of herself in a bikini so short it could have been taken out of the Playboy. She was in Florida last week for Spring Break, with her parents.
The bikini is ridiculously short. Maybe it's my fatherly fiber that has the instincts to cover her up in my mind, but WHATEVER.
What shocked me are the comments... she received 80 likes and 50 responses within an hour. Let me paraphrase the content:
OMG SO PURTTY
WOW HEART HEART SO JEALOUS
PERFECT U SO BEAUTIFUL
Wooooowww heart heart ur so pretty
My aunt and uncles are down to earth, cool people who aren't on Facebook and firmly believe in respecting their daughter's privacy. My cousin is an only child who has already traveled all over the world because my uncle made a fortune a few years after she was born. As a result, she is very extroverted, outspoken and mature for her age.
I still think this behavior is wrong, as in incorrect. It encourages objectification so blatantly, it's extremely sad.
A few months ago she posted a self-portrait wearing very short shorts, a tank top, in which she leans forward so can we see her boob crack. It was so sexual that it, again, shocked me. I remember telling my father at a dinner some weeks later.
What's worse, I noticed her profile was public and not at all protected. Anyone can see those pictures.
Now, as I see it, I have a few options:
1) Contact her privately and remind her it'd be safer if she increased security on her wall and let the rest go
2) Tell her parents about the behavior
3) Do nothing
We are all very close in the family, but we respect each other as well. I am obviously emotionally compromised in this situation, so I am trying to determine what the best thing to do is, objectively.
I feel it's none of my business, but it's not like I went out of my way to spy on her. These pictures just popped on my wall, and I know for a fact my aunt and uncle are not on Facebook and are not monitoring their daughter's activities.
I thought I was as liberal as they come, but after seeing this, it makes me wonder WTF I will do when I have children and I am faced with this problem. |
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| When it comes to parents and their children, unless your directly related to the situation.....stay out of it..... However if you already have a relationship with her already, do 1), if you don't do 3).
I did have a similar situation with a family member in the past, just messaged her to let her know the pictures were public and she's was thankful.
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TigerLordResident pentaxianPremium,Mod
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| said by I_H8_Spam:When it comes to parents and their children, unless your directly related stay out of it. If you have a relationship already, do 1), if you don't do 3).
This is sage advice.
My skin is still crawling, though. |
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 SteveI know your IP addressConsultant
join:2001-03-10
Yorba Linda, CA
kudos:5 | reply to TigerLord
Might one of your parents — the one who's a sibling to her parents — be a better route here to get the message across? |
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TigerLordResident pentaxianPremium,Mod
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| said by Steve:Might one of your parents — the one who's a sibling to her parents — be a better route here to get the message across?
My other aunt heard about the "leaning in" picture and offered to report it to her sister. Maybe she already has.
If my daughter was whoring herself out to Facebook for praise and "likes" I would definitely want to know. |
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 shanerPremium
join:2000-10-04
Calgary, AB | reply to TigerLord
This is why there are no private passwords in my house. I do log on to my kids FB and check content. Luckily, they're more interested in other things.
I have a 12 year old daughter. There would be no way she would even own a bikini like that. |
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 StyvasGo Canucks GoPremium
join:2004-09-15
Hamilton, ON | reply to TigerLord
It's a bathing suit, not lingerie, so for the most part it's probably innocent and "appropriate" (even if the bikini is maybe a little mature for her age). My worry is about her less than adequate privacy settings and the fact that other less fatherly types would see it, turning her into a target. To put it another way, my concern for her is the vulnerability aspect more so than any modesty or maturity concerns. |
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SteveI know your IP addressConsultant
join:2001-03-10
Yorba Linda, CA
kudos:5 | reply to TigerLord
<creepy>pics or it didn't happen</creepy>  |
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said by TigerLord:What shocked me are the comments... she received 80 likes and 50 responses within an hour. Let me paraphrase the content:
Just wait until next year, when the french kissing and touching starts...
said by TigerLord:1) Contact her privately and remind her it'd be safer if she increased security on her wall and let the rest go
2) Tell her parents about the behavior
3) Do nothing
Definitely do not tell her parents about it. This will either encourage her to start hiding stuff from you and/or her parents if they get upset.
My suggestion is to, as casually as possible, tell her, "hey, just in case you didn't know you're sharing your pics with the entire internet since your profile isn't set to private..."
Although I'm curious how you know her stuff is set to public if she's a friend of yours? You'd need to try accessing her Facebook page in full as a non-friend. |
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shanerPremium
join:2000-10-04
Calgary, AB | He probably logged out of his profile and looked her up. I routinely do this with my kids to see if anything has changed. |
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StyvasGo Canucks GoPremium
join:2004-09-15
Hamilton, ON | You can see right on a post who it is shared with (i.e., friends, public, etc.). There's a little icon that you however over and it tells you. |
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·Cogeco Cable
| said by Styvas:You can see right on a post who it is shared with (i.e., friends, public, etc.). There's a little icon that you however over and it tells you.
lol thanks, I never bothered to hover over the icon to concern myself with what it meant. |
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TigerLordResident pentaxianPremium,Mod
join:2002-06-09
Canada
kudos:6 | reply to urbanriot
It was actually miss TL that spotted her profile was public when she managed to visit her profile. I didn't even know about the icon either. I'm not an active FB user, I prefer twitter for my social media fix. |
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TigerLordResident pentaxianPremium,Mod
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| reply to urbanriot
Re: Facebook and your children said by urbanriot:Just wait until next year, when the french kissing and touching starts...
I studied a year and a half in the B.Ed at McGill. During one of her "stage" (I still don't know the English equivalent term to this day... even the professors used the French word when they spoke of them), a classmate spoke with the principal of the school she was assigned to for a month. The principal told her he used to work in another elementary school which uncovered a network of blowjob treatments that happened secretly on lunch hour. Girls offered oral sex for 5$ a pop, and they used that money to buy makeup and candy. We're talking 5-6 graders who are 11-12 years old. I don't know about you, but this story frickin' horrified me.
Imagine the parents that got the call. Imagine what kind of women these girls will become, and what kind of men will erupt out of those boys.
My cousin just started high school. I'm concerned her good looks, her naivety and her desire for attention will get her in trouble, something akin to the Steubenville rape case:
»deadspin.com/how-an-alleged-rape···-5969103
One of the perpetrator (I believe) posted a video in which he says "She is so raped right now" and put it up online...
»deadspin.com/5972527/she-is-so-r···ged-rape
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·Cogeco Cable
| said by TigerLord: Girls offered oral sex for 5$ a pop, and they used that money to buy makeup and candy. We're talking 5-6 graders who are 11-12 years old.
Wow, that's crazy... I've heard of such things at the 13 - 14 year range (grade 7 - 8) for certain types of young girls but that young is abnormal, both for boys and girls. I don't think you should worry about your cousin as that's a unique situation. |
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StyvasGo Canucks GoPremium
join:2004-09-15
Hamilton, ON | said by urbanriot:said by TigerLord: Girls offered oral sex for 5$ a pop, and they used that money to buy makeup and candy. We're talking 5-6 graders who are 11-12 years old.
Wow, that's crazy... I've heard of such things at the 13 - 14 year range (grade 7 - 8)... Likewise. My mother was a grade 7 teacher and had to deal with that in her class on one occasion, but grades 5-6, that's crazy! |
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TigerLordResident pentaxianPremium,Mod
join:2002-06-09
Canada
kudos:6 | reply to urbanriot
The school was situated in a very poor area of Montreal (HOMA) so I'm sure the socioeconomic background has a role to play in such extreme behaviors, but it was nonetheless a shock to hear it. |
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 J E F FWhatta Ya Think About Dat?Premium
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Kitchener, ON
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| reply to TigerLord
Re: Facebook and your children Poor parenting if you ask me. My kid is 12 years old, already started her monthly, but never dresses like an idiot.
This might interest you:
»www.hlntv.com/video/2013/03/30/v···nts-teen
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