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Tex
Dave's not here
Premium
join:2012-10-20
kudos:2

Resume Cover Letter Help

My daughter sent me this cover letter to her resume in order to look over and make any needed grammatical and punctuation changes. I'm okay when it comes to grammar and punctuation, but I could use some help. For those interested in doing so, could you look it over and make any changes you think need to be made? Thanks!

quote:
It is with great interest that I apply for a position in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) at ****** ******. Many of the values that ****** ***** possesses (e.g., integrity, fidelity, teamwork) are values that I will strive to incorporate into my professional career. I have just completed my BSN degree at University of ***** ******* ****** in *********, ***** and plan to sit for the NCLEX early next year (2014). Since Texas is also a compact state, I am excited to have the opportunity to practice in ******** as well.

My clinical experiences provided many opportunities for me to practice quality, patient-centered care. During my final clinical rotation I was assigned to an experienced nurse preceptor in a level 4 NICU where I completed 135 hours of clinical work. During this experience I felt so honored to be trusted with providing care to the most acutely ill, fragile population I have ever worked with. I gained confidence and competency in all aspects of infant care as I became increasingly independent of my preceptor. By the end of the rotation, I was providing total care to four intermediate level infants or one level 4 infant per shift. However, the most rewarding work for me was educating the family and treating every encounter as an opportunity to empower and prepare these families for the hopeful opportunity to eventually bring their child home.

Additionally, I believe the experience I’ve gained from volunteering in my community has served to further my ability to care for populations with a diverse array of needs. I believe this makes me an excellent candidate for an institution that takes pride in providing care for individuals regardless of ability to pay. During one volunteer experience, I participated in a medical mission trip through an organization called ***** and ****, which is “dedicated to providing healthcare to patients in areas that have unmet needs.” We provided free health screenings, prescription medications, and education to mostly Spanish-speaking individuals who were uninsured or who had limited access to healthcare. Through this experience I felt that my duty as a healthcare worker was towards more than just the individuals I served; it involves an obligation towards the betterment of communities and towards the support of my peers. Through this truly interdisciplinary experience I began to understand the true meaning of teamwork and the immeasurable power of a group of committed, compassionate individuals. This opportunity also inspired me to improve my Spanish via personal Spanish lessons so that I can provide healthcare and education towards a larger, more diverse population.

I believe that my dedication to my patients, my commitment to lifelong learning, and my diverse background makes me an adaptable asset to your healthcare team. I have attached my resume for further reference. Thank you for taking the time consider me for this position.


WayTooLong

@rr.com

2 recommendations

I can't even bring myself to read it all. This is what you bring forth at an interview not in a cover letter. One paragraph should suffice.


Msradell
P.E.
Premium
join:2008-12-25
Louisville, KY
said by WayTooLong :

I can't even bring myself to read it all. This is what you bring forth at an interview not in a cover letter. One paragraph should suffice.

I definitely agree with that. If they can't get the information they need in the 1st paragraph they are going to quit reading it anyway! A cover letter needs to be very short and concise, no more than a couple of paragraphs, and needs to make a impact without being wordy.


Tex
Dave's not here
Premium
join:2012-10-20
kudos:2

1 edit
I, too, thought the same thing. However, after doing some research on cover letters, it is permissible to submit a one page cover letter with the resume. A cover letter should include:

Opening Paragraph
This section should include:

• Your intent in writing the letter
• The position for which you are applying and how you learned about it
if you are not aware of a specific position, state your area of interest
• A brief introduction of yourself, your major, and your anticipated degree
• A reference to the individual who recommended that you contact the organization or other factors that prompted you to apply
• Why you are interested in the organization and anything you know about their product or service
Second Paragraph
This section should highlight:

• Your qualifications
• Aspects of your background that would be of greatest interest to the organization
• focus on skills, activities, accomplishments, and past experience you can contribute to the organization and its work
use action verbs that describe relevant skills and expertise you can contribute
• The "fit" between the employer’s hiring needs and your interests, experience, and skills
• Why you want to work for the organization and what you would enjoy doing for them
• Your knowledge of the organization and industry/field
• mention specific knowledge you may have such as computer applications, foreign languages, lab techniques, writing and editing capabilities
Third Paragraph
Finish the letter by:

• Stating that you would like to discuss employment opportunities or other information with the individual and that you will call or email to follow up on your letter
• this demonstrates your initiative and follow-through and will help you maintain control of your efforts
Other points that can be made in the last paragraph:

• Expression of your willingness to provide additional information
• Stating a specific time when you will follow up by phone or e-mail
• Letting the employer know if and when you are going to visit their area
• Thanking the person receiving your letter for their time and consideration

»studentaffairs.stanford.edu/cdc/···over-ltr

mocycler
Premium
join:2001-01-22
kudos:1

2 recommendations

reply to Tex
Well, I vote with the rest. Waaayyy too long, too detailed, too wordy. It almost reads like a word for word transcript of an actual face to face interview.

Here is how I cut it down. And even this could be trimmed further

"I look forward to interviewing for a nursing position in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) at ****** ******. I have just completed my BSN degree and plan to sit for the NCLEX in early 2014.

My experience & training includes 135 hours of clinical work which provided many opportunities for me to practice quality, patient-centered care.

Additionally, I believe the experience I’ve gained from volunteering in my community has furthered my ability to care for populations with a diverse array of needs. I was also inspired to improve my Spanish via personal Spanish language training.

My dedication to patients, commitment to lifelong learning, and diverse background makes me an versatile asset to your healthcare team. I have attached my resume for further reference. Thank you for taking the time consider me for an NICU nursing position."


A few additional ideas:

Avoid over the top and/or blatantly trite statements: Saying "I felt so honored to be trusted with providing care to the most acutely ill, fragile population I have ever worked with" might have some heft if it was said by a nurse with twenty-plus years experience. But a recent graduate has not "worked with" enough acutely ill patients to make this a good reason to hire them. It comes off as either obvious sucking up or a newb trying to sound like a big-leaguer.

Do not make any claims of, or even hint at, being bilingual unless you are truly good enough to use the skill on the job. Taking a few classes and knowing some basic conversational Spanish does not cut it. Those who are already fluent speakers usually still require special training in medical terminology to make them effective in a clinical setting. It's ok to mention in an interview that you "know Spanish" but do not put it in writing unless you can back it it up for real.

In the last paragraph, I changed the word "adaptable" to "versatile". Employers want someone who is "plug and play". Avoid any words or phrases that imply you are not a 100% fit and need to be "adapted" to the position. Of course, no one is really a "100% fit" but you don't want to put ideas in their head. Everything you say should scream, I'm ready to go right now!

Good luck to your daughter; hope she lands a job soon!


Kilroy
Premium,MVM
join:2002-11-21
Saint Paul, MN

1 recommendation

reply to Tex
said by Revised :
I would like to submit my application for the a position in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) at ****** ******. I have recently completed my BSN degree at University of ***** ******* ****** in *********, ***** and plan to sit for the NCLEX early next year (2014). Since Texas is also a compact state, I am excited to have the opportunity to practice in ******** as well.

My clinical experiences provided many. During my final clinical rotation I was assigned to an experienced nurse preceptor in a level 4 unit. I was honored with providing care to the most acutely ill, fragile population I have been privileged to work with. I gained confidence and competency in all aspects of infant care as I became increasingly independent of my preceptor. By the end of the rotation, I was providing total care to four intermediate level infants or one level 4 infant per shift. However, the most rewarding work for me was educating the family and treating every encounter as an opportunity to empower and prepare these families for the hopeful opportunity to eventually bring their child home.

I believe that my dedication to patients, commitment to lifelong learning, and diverse background makes me an adaptable asset to your healthcare team. I have attached my resume for further reference. Thank you for taking the time to consider me for this position.
I completely waxed the volunteer paragraph. While this is good information, it needs to come up in the interview, if any of it pertains to the job.

As others have mentioned each cover letter needs to be customized to show how you fit the job. For instance if the job says that Spanish would be a plus, a brief, no more than two sentences, piece about the volunteer work would be fine. Something along the lines of:

quote:
I participated in a medical mission trip through an organization called ***** and ****. This opportunity also inspired me to improve my Spanish via personal Spanish lessons
Also I have no idea about what being a compact state is about, so I don't know if it should stay or go.


kingdome74
Let's Go Orange
Premium
join:2002-03-27
Syracuse, NY
kudos:5
Reviews:
·Verizon FiOS

1 recommendation

reply to Tex
In a resume never use the word the word "it" and never start any sentence with "it". Make sure you always define what "it" means because there is too much ambiguity using that word. And shorter is always better. I've read thousands of resumes and anything over a page got pitched and the cover letter shouldn't be longer than a paragraph or two. A cover letter should be a friendly introduction to who you are and sets up interest in reading the resume which is the purpose of the cover letter.
--
Considering we won our bowl game Friday and then beat #8 Nova Sat I'd say Syracuse is currently holding the banner for the ACC in our first year there. Next game 12/31 against Eastern Michigan.


mr_slick

join:2003-05-22
Lynnwood, WA

1 recommendation

reply to Tex
it is not necessarily the length, but the content that is bad... does her resume say the same stuff? I will post a few opinions:

she should be applying for a specific position, that is open- not just "a position". also she should not "strive" to incorporate the values, she should do it and explain how/where she does it..

this part:
"My clinical experiences provided many opportunities for me to practice quality, patient-centered care. During my final clinical rotation I was assigned to an experienced nurse preceptor in a level 4 NICU where I completed 135 hours of clinical work. During this experience I felt so honored to be trusted with providing care to the most acutely ill, fragile population I have ever worked with. I gained confidence and competency in all aspects of infant care as I became increasingly independent of my preceptor. By the end of the rotation, I was providing total care to four intermediate level infants or one level 4 infant per shift. However, the most rewarding work for me was educating the family and treating every encounter as an opportunity to empower and prepare these families for the hopeful opportunity to eventually bring their child home."

needs to go.... medical facilities are a production floor just like any factory. they want to hear how much, how fast and what is the quality of her work... perhaps change it to something like this:

"While at ****clinical school?*** I managed a full case load of 4 intermediate or one level four infant in addition to providing quality service/counseling to the families"

and then do the same for the rest of the paragraphs and combine/reword into 2-3 paragraphs tops. make sure you actually transition the paragraphs too (different subject)- don't just start a new one because it is long.

the one that I recently used is a full page long, and actually kind of wordy (looking back now).... but it got me the job. but the point was that it was all fairly relevant to that specific job and what I brought to the table to solve their problems ((which is always- how can you make them money cheaply?))- when someone hires you they are making a huge investment and want a good return.


Tex
Dave's not here
Premium
join:2012-10-20
kudos:2
reply to Tex
I would like to thank you all for your thoughtful responses. I have forwarded a link to this thread to my daughter for her consideration. Again, thank you!

AsherN
Premium
join:2010-08-23
Thornhill, ON
reply to Tex
When I review resumes, you have 15 seconds to make me not bin it. Cover letters are not usually the first thing I read. Your resume must grab me first. I'll read everything in my second go-round, if you make the 15 second cut.