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FureverFurry
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FureverFurry

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Parody of the Comcast 'business model'

"...It is a miracle I did not wind up curled in a corner talking to spiders. "

»staciehuckeba.wordpress. ··· xfinity/

This is one of the funniest I've read and with more than a grain or two of truth to it.

Now before y'all jump on me, I *do* know there are good Comcast experiences and CSRs. But the "not awesome" ones make for some of the funniest reading.

MDA
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MDA

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"Sure, bank of America tried to steal my house, taco bell gave me diarrhea, and GM tried to kill me, but comcast is the WORST".

I love the parts in that letter about asking the government to shut down the other "photographers" and "musicians" because it's so damn true with the little kid that is cable companies...

why60loss
Premium Member
join:2012-09-20

why60loss to FureverFurry

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to FureverFurry
I am sure with over 10 years I dealt with time warner cable I could make a funny letter just like that one.

I have a funny short one about the two years I had with century link:

Day 1: Only getting 5mbs on a 7mbs plan, not so bad I guess that's fine.

Day 2: Well it only quits working for an hour every 30min no big deal.

Day 30: Well I am only getting 3mbs and disconnects like a flickering light oh well.

Day 45: Time to call them this kind of sucks, Me: "Well the service is slow and keeps going out, I have tested my desktop that's new, my 1 year old notebook my 3 year old note book my friends mac and they all act the same." Tech support: "Let me transfer you............" your call has been Disconnected. Calls again, There system "Please hit 1,2 or 3. Okay you hit 3 good bye." Calls again, The system again "For billing hit 1, for help with phone service 2, for tech support 3. Okay hold times are longer than normal please stay on the line(Really get off, don't you get the hint.)" A live person after you had went to the restroom after an hour of waiting "Hello, hello" Me: "yes, hello" Your call has been disconnected.

Day 60: After much trying to like talk to a person spending unaccountable hours calling a live person picks up once more and says "Go take all your stuff back and tell your friend that he needs to go to an apple store. Have a nice day"

Day 90: After going though the wait of holding for so long you almost fell asleep an India person picks up and says "Yes, hello I am the tech of support. What can I help with for customer?" Me : "My internet doesn't work at all and it's been a day. Please send a tech to fix it." Tech: "I will....... transfer you to local........... tech to fix it. Please do the hold." Me: "The internet really is in beta isn't it, why does steam hate my guts so". After hold local tech: "Well after the storm last night in your area the service went out." Me: "Storm, really a little rain is a storm. And when is this going to be fixed?" Tech: "It will be fixed when it's fixed, have a nice day" Me: "Wait just a...." Your call has ended.

Day 100: After the trials of holding, transfers and other disconnects due to but limited to phone outages, the need to drink, the need to use the restroom, acts of unknown origin, tech support giving one liners and hang up, many failed transfers, being told to call back in vain and of course asking for a super visor who hangs up after a handful of words have been used. Me: "It's been almost two weeks and my internet still doesn't work, will I get a deduced bill?" customer rep: "Sorry to hear about that let me transfer you to tech support...." Phone disconnected good bye Me "I am just going to bed, maybe just forget there is internet. It clearly hates me anyway and steam can die again and again for not letting play my disk games offline."

Day 110: After getting used to not having internet, calls again Me: "Just cut the internet it doesn't work." customer rep: "Please reboot your modem, maybe think about a new PC and router to ensure those aren't the issue." Me: "Really just really, what part of disconnect the service don't you under stand." Your call has been disconnected. Calls again Me: "Please just cut the internet service already" Customer rep "I see you have called about your internet before, have you rebooted your modem yet." Me: "I don't even want it anymore, just cannel it." Customer rep: You can't do that because you signed a 2 year contract, please hold for tech support." Me: "I didn't even ask for tech support and I want out of the contract because you can't even provide service."

The worst background music ever Me: "I wish I could make people pay me for non service. Like what if I billed everyone in the town for a grass cutting service but only cut it the first month and then just sat down so I could send them all bills for my so called service that I wasn't going to get off my butt to cut. Maybe I should ask the town mayor if he could sign an agreement with me that only I may own a grass cutting service in this town. Oh and that only I can cut and or mow grass. Not even the owners can cut there own grass. I think those guys have it made, sending higher bills every month with BS fees for non working service, it's like they live in wonder land where they can say the magic words (Reboot your modem, let me transfer you, please hold and lastly I can't do that sir/mam.).

Tech support: "I looked at your area and well just hang up. it will work when it works. No one here can tell you when that will be. And of course you will still be billed for normal price so good bye." Phone disconnects and then Calls again Me: "Just send a tech over to my house to fix this if your unwilling to cut the service." customer rep "I will have to ask you to be put on hold." Me: "........................Just why" customer rep "I see that you have called before about your internet and at this point I can send a tech to your home. Now just wait a week or so for the tech to call. I have to help other customer's so good bye."

Day 111: The internet kind of works again by it's self.

Day 112: The internet doesn't work most of the day leaving the poor customer confused.

Day 113: The internet then works all day leaving the customer in shock.

Day 114: The internet then breaks down all the way leaving the customer in madness.

Day 115: The tech calls at 6am saying he will be there at 8am. Then never shows up.

Day 116: Calls tech support Me "My internet still isn't working right and the tech didn't show up." Tech: "Good news, your area has just been upgraded to 10mb from 7mbs." Me: "That's not what I asked and I never even got 7mbs ever." Tech: "Well it is an up to speed, many things can impact your speed that are out of control. Glad to help you good bye." Phone call ended

Day 117: Speeds 2mbs down 1mbs up, refresh 404 error page not found no internet connection.

Day 118: The internet works for 1 hour then quits for 4 hours

Day 119: Well it worked for 15 min.

Day 120: It worked for 2 hours party time

Day 130: It's a coin toss every time I click a page today, how fun of a game to play with my beta internet.

Day 150: Okay friend who want's to bet if this web site will load or not? Today the odds are 10-1 against it loading.

Day 220: After many days, weeks and months of calling like a no life the following happens: Me: "So your going to send a tech to look at it for real." Tech support: "Yes but don't miss the appointment."

Day 225: Phone rings and "This is the tech and well I can't make it for a week maybe two so just wait okay."

Day 240: Never calls back

Day 270: Me: Just forget it, I shall play offline not the end of this earth.

Day 600 or so: "Service" ends due sending the junk back at end of contract.
dubenezic
join:2004-05-06
Elizabeth, NJ

dubenezic to FureverFurry

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to FureverFurry
I think that we can all agree that Comcast is the evilest company in America. Verizon is not far behind. They are only motivated by money and not by providing good service for that money.

The only thing I can say is that if you can get Fios, get it. They're billing stinks, but the service is very very good. The equipment works the first time every time, and other than hurricane sandy, I have not had an outage or internet slow down in 2 years.

Verizon unlike crapcast does not charge an HD fee or charge for local stations. Crapcast is the only company that I know that does this.