For starters, how much money are we talking about? Stock wheel rims are typically not high end and it would seem to me that this is a lot of hassle for everyone over what is by car standards a small amount of money. I'm kind of surprised that they are even bothering to try and fix them. Were they big $$ custom rims or something?
Second, the wheel repair guy is jerking you around. He should be able to match the colors at least close enough where you could not tell unless the two rims were right next to each other. It sounds to me like the he is either A) lazy and/or incompetent, B) is not going to to do more than what State Farm will pay him to do, or C) is doing less than what he is being paid for and pocketing the difference...in other words, insurance fraud. My vote is A.
I've been wrenching on cars and motorcycles for decades and flatly do not believe that he cannot get the color match very close to perfect. The laser technology they use to "read" the color and tint the paint is amazingly accurate. They don't "eyeball" it or use paint codes anymore. Matching a color is something even newb shop apprentices should know how to do.
As for your issues with the State Farm people...tcope
is correct. Being treated unprofessionally is one matter, but all the reps follow the same company procedures and they are not going to let you jump around until you get a better deal than what your policy says you're entitled to.
Personally, I would take the cash they gave you to repair the rims and go buy two new ones, or look in a junkyard. You will have to kick in some of your own money, but you'll have exactly what you want and end the drama.
Good luck.