Thursday November 15th
(jump earlier)
time
He smiled at everyone, he talked to everyone. When the music played he began to sing and headed out to dance. He wanted to ask "that girl" to dance. He danced alone near her for a few minutes, caught her eye, and the 2 of them danced for a long long time. Later he saw another girl, watched her dance, caught her eye, and the 2 of them danced slowly, for a long time, holding hands lost in the music, not talking. Time faded away.
He's 5.
======================================================
He smiled at everyone, he talked to everyone. Made his way from table to table, taking time and enjoying each conversation. He talked about his hunting trips this year, his family, shook all the hands, hugged all the hugs, laughed about losing his hair. Still tall and strong, he watched the young kids dance, and spent most of his time with them. He has cancer, maybe 6 months to live, and this was his birthday party. Time fades away.
He's 70.
====================================================== |
posted Thursday November 15th, @12:05AM
Tuesday March 6th
(jump earlier later)
like a stick sometimes
Mom: "Why is your penis red and scratched, son?"
4-year-old: "Because it stands up like a stick sometimes, and I try to make it go down."
True story. |
posted Tuesday March 6th, @08:55PM
Saturday December 23rd
(jump earlier later)
Santa Claus
Santa Claus is real. The spirit of supernatural, mysterious surprise and giving.
When mom finally told me (well after all the other kids found out) that he wasn't real, I cried my heart out on my bed. I remember that half an hour of hopeless sobbing. Santa Claus was the greatest thing I ever believed in. All I could say to mom was "now Christmas is nothing except Jesus's birthday any more."
So I refused then and still refuse to stop believing in Santa Claus. You can tell me no old fat man comes down chimneys, that it's aerodynamically impossible for reindeer to fly, that the time involved in visiting millions of homes makes it impossible. But you can't tell me the rational reason why the magic is there on Christmas Eve, why people feel genuine wonder, awe, and happiness at such a simple thing as giving something to someone else.
The kids are right. Santa Claus is real. If you don't believe it you've lost something. See if you can find it again. |
posted Saturday December 23rd, @08:37AM
Sunday May 21st
(jump earlier later)
unexpected
He stopped using, an ability he never had as a child or younger man. Back into treatment, back into NA, back to his job and family, back on medication. First time it's happened voluntairly. Family life is going shitty for him so he called me instead of getting high.
Not a bad idea. I'll give no time to help a crying drug user. I've got all the time in the world for a man with problems who wants to talk. |
posted Sunday May 21st, @02:14PM
Wednesday April 12th
(jump earlier later)
Doolin Dalton Reprise
The time to regain control has passed. It's probably heroin now, and living in a car, and burning money and veins. All I can hear now is the end of a song.
quote:
Desperado
(Is there gonna be anything left? Is there gonna be?)
You sealed your fate up a long time ago
(Ain’t it hard when you’re all alone in the center ring?)
Now there’s no time left to borrow
(Is there gonna be anything left?)
Only stardust
(maybe tomorrow)
Maybe tomorrow
Maybe tomorrow
Probably not tomorrow. |
posted Wednesday April 12th, @10:07PM
Thursday April 6th
(jump earlier later)
sons and friends
A friend of mine has a new son, born just this afternoon. He's learning about air on his skin, about breathing, about no longer feeling weightless. About the sounds coming from those other things, the big creatures, the ones that hold him and make him warm. He's so young he probably hasn't started dreaming of breasts yet.
Good luck with your son, friend.
A son of mine has a new old friend. He skipped out on his newly-bought house today, skipped out on his girlfriend and his own son, not yet one year old. Likely skipped out on his job, one that took years of struggle to attain. He's meeting up with an old friend, someone very important to him, someone he'd give up his life for: Mr. Crack Cocaine.
Good luck with your friend, son. |
posted Thursday April 6th, @10:31PM
Saturday March 11th
(jump earlier later)
there
Down the fire trail to the clay path but don't take it, go left and through 2 mudholes to where it splits by the briars there's a diagonal place to go through over the downed tree by the only lumpy tree towards the bluebird house but not there, go right where you can't see the path but it appears then through the little ditch to the sycamores.
There.
That's where the fish are.
The dog knows where. |
posted Saturday March 11th, @05:50PM
Saturday October 15th
(jump earlier later)
to a friend
You're not pushing your kids away. They're growing up and moving out. You're just looking forward to some fun times afterwards. Some relationships get so worn out by child rearing that there's nobody left looking forward to anything. You 2 are lucky.
Life isn't about getting old so much as getting tired. Too tired to see that the next things about to happen to you are new. Not repetitions and routines, but new, if you allow them to be and if you can muster the energy to see them.
There's a car show in the fire department parking lot across the street today. They're playing music. I was just out back dancing to Little Richard under the trees with my newest grandson. I never did that before.
There are new things right out there. |
posted Saturday October 15th, @01:33PM
Saturday March 26th
(jump earlier later)
posted Saturday March 26th, @09:15PM
Monday November 29th
(jump earlier later)
what dogs think, part 2
Human (thinking he is teaching word to dog, pointing at rawhide treat): This is a chew. Chew. Chew.
Dog (walking away with rawhide in mouth): He thinks he's a damn train. |
posted Monday November 29th, @07:11PM
Saturday October 16th
(jump earlier later)
what dogs think
"It's a beautiful day out here. I want bees in my mouth."
"That cat can't drop that there."
"I can climb this tree today, I know it." |
posted Saturday October 16th, @09:54PM
Thursday October 7th
(jump earlier later)
suddenly
The dog hadn't showed any inclination to play with toys, or even that she understood them. An hour ago, however, was the
ATTACK OF THE HYPER-SQUEAKY ROPE MONKEY FROM HELL!!
Followed by a dog barrel-assing around the house with a squeaking toy in her mouth, chasing a tennis ball, bulldozing me, and leaping onto a project my wife was working on.
From my perspective, it was pretty funny.  |
posted Thursday October 7th, @10:35PM
Wednesday October 6th
(jump earlier later)
comfort
Last night the cat was on my lap. The dog came over and put her whole head on the cat, just laid it there. I had that wonderful "I'm about to get my testicles clawed" feeling.
Nothing happened. Until the cat started purring. |
posted Wednesday October 6th, @09:36PM
Monday October 4th
(jump earlier later)
cat
Our old cat flees any strange dog. Always. Until now. He lay down on the dog's head last night.
He knows.  |
posted Monday October 4th, @09:32AM
Sunday October 3rd
(jump earlier later)
sweet jane
said by Cowboy Junkies in "Sweet Jane":
You're waiting
For Jimmy down in the alley
Waiting there
For him to come back home
Waiting down on the corner
And thinking of ways
To get back home
[attachment=1]Anyone who ever had a heart would adopt this dog. We did. You're home now, Jane. said by Cowboy Junkies in "Sweet Jane":
Heavenly widened roses
Seem to whisper to me
When you smile
The world is so big right now. |
posted Sunday October 3rd, @02:54PM
Saturday October 2nd
(jump earlier later)
days
Days go by and you do stuff. And after a bunch of them you go by you look back to see what you've done. Most of it amounts to no more than pushing over a lifesized cardboard figure of a person.
Get up. Push one over. Go to sleep. Get up. Push one over. Go to sleep.
Look back and see nothing but a chain of cardboard figures fallen over. Nothing more accomplished. Nothing more. Could've done all that with just one damn sneeze, instead of wasting days weeks months on it.
Then there are those other days, still a few of those other days, like when you were a kid. Where you didn't know where the day would lead, you were ready for it to take you somewhere, you wanted it to, and the world was big. Those precious other days.
Tomorrow is one.
Tomorrow I'm going somewhere, I want to, and the world will be big. |
posted Saturday October 2nd, @08:42PM
Friday October 1st
(jump earlier later)
resisting
said by Neil Young:
People say don't rock the boat,let things go their own way.
Ideas that once seem so right now have gotten hard to say.
I wish that I could talk to you and you could talk to me.
'Cause there's very few of us left, my friend, from the days that used to be.
Seem like such a simple thing to follow one's own dream.
But possessions and concessions are not often what they seem.
They drag you down and load you down, in disguise of security.
But we never had to make those deals in the days that used to be.
Talk to me, my long lost friend, tell me how you are.
Are you happy with your circumstance?
Are you driving a new car?
Does it get you where you wanna go with a 7-year warranty?
Or just another hundred thousand miles away from days that used to be?
Fuck giving in. |
posted Friday October 1st, @07:35PM
Thursday September 23rd
(jump earlier later)
dating
I'll probably spend the rest of my life missing her, but that's no reason not to meet someone else.
Dating is awkward after all this time.
The girl I met yesterday is much younger than me. Friendly, kind, smart, but way more energetic or aggressive than me; felt like she was all over me.
Maybe I need someone older, a bit calmer and set in her ways. Or maybe I need someone even younger, who hasn't hit that energetic, aggressive stage yet. I don't know. She was nice, she'll make somebody happy, just not me.
I don't like it, trying to find someone else. I already found the only one I wanted, and lost her. I miss her. Don't much like dating, don't want to just give up and be alone.
Dating is awkward after all this time.
I'll go look at another dog soon.
arf |
posted Thursday September 23rd, @08:06PM
Monday August 30th
(jump earlier later)
wind and fear
quote:
Does anyone know where the love of god goes
when the waves turn the minutes to hours?
24 miles through whitecaps in a 16-foot aluminum boat takes desire, courage, foolishness, endurance through helplessness, caution through recklessness. And luck. Way too much luck.
My son and I set out for our only fishing trip of the year, picking a day for which the forecast was cold, but tolerable. Morning lows of 30, warming to 60. No mention of wind. It was pretty cold but we were dressed for it; the first 6 miles were OK. But when we hit the big bend before the dam, the wind and waves hit us like a wall. Another mile later we were at the dam, waiting for the old flatbed truck to back into the water to portage us around and into the bigger lake.
Bad choice.
Below the dam is the bigger lake. And the higher winds and waves. I kept going for the whole 9 more miles to the place we wanted to fish, a big shallow bay. I knew if I stopped I'd go back. I'm used to that much fear coming in short bursts, not sustained over hours.
The bay was full of whitecaps. No way to anchor, a small pocket out of the wind behind and island for relief, nowhere near fish. The winds kept increasing.
It's hard to fish when you don't know if you'll make it back to the cabin.
The winds kept increasing.
I chickened out and headed back. The front of the boat lifted and dropped 6 feet or so when the wind was with us. When it was against us it was like hitting walls instead of waves. Wind from the side was the worst. The boat would just change direction 30 degrees or so in a second, and lean like hell. Steering it back the right way made it lean more. And there was no way out of it but to keep going. I watched the aluminum bottom bulge in with each wave; my son was doing the same thing.
The choices were to follow the shoreline (3 times as long, but a chance of evading at least a little wind), or cutting across the mouths of bays. The winds kept increasing; I cut across. I knew if we went over I likely couldn't swim to shore in the cold water. It's hard to not get stupid when I'm that afraid. We kept going, got to the damn, got around the dam, 7 miles to get back to the cabin. The first 4 were only miserable. The last 3 felt like being punched repeatedly by god with every wave. We went straight into them, no other way to go.
I didn't feel safe until we were tied on the dock. Not even then really. Found out that trees were down all around, winds were gusting over 30 all day.
We went back out the next day in the wind, not very far. Not to shake the fear, just to learn to live with it.
2 weeks later we're both still pretty shook by it. We're going again next year. I hope it's calm. |
posted Monday August 30th, @08:26PM
Friday April 9th
(jump earlier later)
grace
Feeling graceful, I fell down hill by a river. Ended up with my feet higher than my head, unable to pull myself up, lying in mud, with minnows flopping in the mud all around me..
It's times like those I treasure. quote:
Why is that homeless man laying in the mud, mommy?
I think he's eating land-fish.
|
posted Friday April 9th, @11:29PM
|
fatness
