Thursday June 11th
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| another day?? some people do not how painful it is! But nce again I will get over this |
posted Thursday June 11th, @06:11PM
Tuesday June 2nd
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posted Tuesday June 2nd, @06:20AM
Thursday May 14th
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| ok so I was having a really shitty day, much better now. you go to one doc he tells you this another tells you something else......it is insane...but finally found someone who really helped so far.........crossed fingers |
posted Thursday May 14th, @06:55AM
Monday May 11th
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| When is enough, enough? When do you finally just give up? I am at that point. |
posted Monday May 11th, @04:41PM
Sunday May 10th
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| Things have pretty good but this afternoon I am come from work and he was a sleep. So I did my nails and curled up on the couch. Needless tp say I fell a sleep since I had to be up..330am but when I work up I was very confused Thought I over slept, just but and all most had a heart attack, finally came around and realized it was sunday. But he was mad said this never happened to him! And that he doesn't ever forget anything......well I brought up the dreaded B-day he forgot...oh not go good thing. But I am so far from prefect and will be the first to admit.........so now we are at a stubborn not talking to each other, this could last a long time.....tomorrow i get my test results bac.k and at this point, i really could care less!!!!!!!!!!keep ya posted |
posted Sunday May 10th, @07:33PM
Monday April 27th
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| This last few weeks have not been so good...fighting pancreatic and should be in the hospital, but who wants to lose their job in this economy. So the doc have been treating me as an outpatient. The bad news is I way 88lbs down from 98. The pain is incredible but I live with it. Can't eat greasy , fried or food high in fats.....so Ensure and Low sodium V8 and oh about 7 different meds. Now they found a pocket of infection or a tumor in the pancreatic duct. Can't operate cuz it is to swollen......I cry alot in private so not to alarm anyone how scared i really am. I am a fighter and will be fine it just may take a little time....flying is the scariest...imagine having to make an emergency landing for me not a passenger......but I just keep sticking it out!!!! Gonna try and take a nap...white blood counts are so high they are pushing down the red..... |
posted Monday April 27th, @11:07AM
Sunday April 12th
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| Wow it's been a while....just working hard and trying not to let the FNG get under my skin, something is just not right with her poor me stories. Anyway...nothing really to report....yes u guessed it gave in to being angry with the family....for the most part. |
posted Sunday April 12th, @04:36AM
Wednesday January 14th
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| Work has been wonderful really keeping my mind off my family. Except when I go to bed then then water works start! I am hopeful with time some of this pain will lessen, we will see! |
posted Wednesday January 14th, @07:49AM
Saturday January 10th
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| Work finally got a bit slower yesterday! It was actually nice to be able to go to the bathroom and eat something without having to shovel it down. We laughed and had a good time. The family thing hasn't been any better though, and it hurts like hell but I am determined to let it all go. No more putting myself out there, and hoping the heart ache will lessen with time. |
posted Saturday January 10th, @07:09AM
Wednesday January 7th
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| Feeling much better.....on my 3rd day but it's back to the grind tomorrow. Actually looking forward to it, my family managed to do it again. This time feels so different. Usually they treat me like shit and I go back for more. But this time(actually 90%of time), I have done nothing to provoke them ...my goodness....I live thousands of miles away! But after this all started my sister actually sent me an email,it validated everything. I was really wondering if maybe I was way too sensitive, to needy, just questioning myself to no end. Finally someone said they understood and had no idea why my parents are like this! But I won't going home anytime soon. At some point I have stop allowing them to crush my heart. And I actually think they managed to stomp it for the last time. It's a terrible feeling knowing that no matter what you do and won't be enough. Live and learn and move forward. |
posted Wednesday January 7th, @06:47PM
Saturday January 3rd
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12 hours and maybe 600 calories...I am so feeling like crap....there has been no times for any breaks,,,I honestly went into the bathroom and just sat there with the lid down and took like a 10 minute snooze. It is totally insane..I think it may actually kill me or least land me in the hospital.  |
posted Saturday January 3rd, @07:22PM
Friday January 2nd
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| Today I officially feel old, I just can't do the 14-16 hour days anymore especially back to back....tomorrow will be the last day I agree to this, I am exhausted and managed to eat maybe 1200 calories of pure junk. I am turning over a new leaf...before the leaf is turned over on me!!!! |
posted Friday January 2nd, @07:33PM
Thursday January 1st
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| I went to the doc and my blood work wasn't so good. I have been working so hard and not really taking care of myself. The stress is the part that is really getting to me, work 8 hours come home clean, do laundry, take care of the animals and then maybe eat something. And we all know eating has always been a strange struggle for me. For instance tomorrow I work from 0800 til 2200 then the next day 0600 til 1800. I can't seem to say no when asked to work extra hours. Then once I am that tired food is the last thing I even want to think about, it is definitely time to see someone about this, I am just wasting away again. I honestly think all the stress is turning into OCD....I worry so much about the smallest things, stuff I can not control...I have to get all this contained somehow...... |
posted Thursday January 1st, @05:10PM
Friday December 26th
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| I really hate when all the hype is over....I love Christmas, the lights, the tree but found myself missing my family so freaking much! Oh well gonna try and get home to NY in Feb. Work has been insane along with the hours I am putting in...so grateful to have a good job and one that I love!!! I am very blessed this holiday season! |
posted Friday December 26th, @10:14PM
Saturday December 13th
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| Well on Thursday I had my annual review....I am not sure why I was nervous but I was, maybe it is just the sucky economy thing. Anyway, wow, I was blown away....He called me a superstar and I got a 6% raise. They send out what are called 360's and fellow employees fill them out on you. Everyone was great...nothing bad at all. Got all "love working with her she makes everything so much fun." Sometimes I think I carry things a bit too far, and was worried about that. Yup you guessed it "Suckass" didn't get one on me otherwise I am sure I would have had some negative remarks. One of the last questions was something about fellow employees, I told the boss, that I was sure he had heard that "Suckass" and I did not get along so well, but that I have and always will have a professional attitude when it comes to her on the job. I explained myself to him about her kissing the top dog's asses and the lack of respect she show to all of us who have been there and done our time and the kid card is getting real old. I was surprised to realize that he too sees the ass kissing. Hmmm......anyway going to go to work and just keep doing what I do!!!! |
posted Saturday December 13th, @09:07AM
Monday December 8th
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The holiday season always makes me sad and a bit down. I miss my dysfunctional family alot, but I always wonder how much they miss me. And every year I swear not to let things get me down. I have alot to be thankful for and I truly know this. I guess it is mainly the fact that my sister Lisa would have been 43 on Christmas day, and I find myself thinking I should have been the one to die. That thought comes from the worst day of my life, when my dad had drank way to much and actually told me that, he never drank again and I finally was able to forgive him years later. But part of my heart died that day and no matter how hard I try to get past those words, it hurts more than anyone could ever imagine.I wish my memory had a delete button. Or I wish I had the guts to ask him about that day. But I don't want to hurt his feelings or make him feel guilty. I would just love to get past it, but the hurt is so deep....it will never go away. He's a great grandpa and a much better dad since that day.
Any way on a positive note...I put up my tree and since the cat had a field day with all the ornaments last year, I decorated with red and white bow, pointestas and these really pretty handmade candy canes with fancy little bows and gummy Santas, snowmen and reindeer attached to them. I think I have about 100 of them....and that's it! It came out so beautiful. The cat still gets in to it but nearly as much this year.
Christmas is going to very low budget. Money is tight, but it will be just a nice day. The only thing I want is a teacup yorkie...but that will never happen. I have wanted a small dog since I was a kid. And was promised one from Santa, but there was always a reason I didn't deserve it. My parents are not malious I think they just told me yes to shut me up...cuz trust me I could whine!!! I have a better chance of winning the lottery than getting my "Shelby"..yup even have had a name for it. LOL
Well tomorrow night we have another meeting so Ms Suckass will probably be doing her thing...thinking about bringing a bottle of oxygen since she has her head so far up the boss' ass I am sure she made need it!.....I am sure I will have alot to write here tomorrow...... |
posted Monday December 8th, @08:40PM
Saturday November 15th
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| FINALLY, the new schedule came out and Ms Suckass is not happy. Her main complaint is that we all did the schedule behind her back! Fact#1 Only two people worked the new schedule out and presented it to the person in charge, Fact# She had no say in it....she is at the bottom of the totem pole! Fact#3 No one cares because she has used the kid card for over 6 months never thinking about the people who deserved the schedule she had. She asked one of the girls if she could have her schedule on Saturdays because, "she has no babysitter,and she could show us the divorce papers." Um no one really seems to care, we all have family we want to spent time with, maybe not kids but people. I honestly hope she doesn't have the balls to ask me because it will take everything I have not to snicker......but I will do my very best and say NO without any sarcasm. God give me the strenght to be the better person.....and I do have a heart...if she would like Christmas off cuz of the kids.....I will work it, even though I am entitled to having it off.......that will be my good deed. |
posted Saturday November 15th, @09:40AM
Wednesday November 5th
(jump earlier later)
It's been a while, I know....but every time I sit down to post, my blood pressure rises! We have a new girl at work, we she has been there for about six months now. Can you say SUCK ASS, OMG, if she was any further up the boss' ass she would die from lack of oxygen. She has no respect for any of us who have been there doing our time. She still has weekends off and throws out the "single mom and kid" card, it is so freaking old! I confronted her about all this as the entire crew wanted to do it, but I thought it would be better if only one person approached her. Well, she started crying and claimed no cared about the welfare of her kids! Um, no actually we don't we all have people and things we need to do, but she keeps her mouth shut when it comes to the schedule. She takes and takes. so needless to say she cried that whole morning after I went to the boss and told him everyone was really upset about the schedule, speaking in Spanish to anyone who would listen! Please......so if it doesn't change within the week, we are going straight to the HR department to log our complaint, but this time I will not lead the way, it is time for someone to set up.
Anyway this past weekend was the boat show, we were slammed. I have always been bad about stepping on people on the radio, and have gone out of my way to try and better myself. But this past Monday, I seemed to do it alot. Even though we would start talking at the same time(co workers) I take it personally that I made the mistake. She and I had started to talk to the line guys at the same time more than once already.....so when it happened again, I said,"oh sorry". She then said "yes you did and the guys in the back say you do it all the time." I take this to heart because I do try really hard. Later she says to me that it's ok and the guys didn't say it in a mean sense. The bitch knew it would really bother me and I hate the fact that I let this suck ass bitch get to me(tell me how you really feel...LOL) I went to the back and got the line supervisor and told him I was really sorry, he was like why? Everyone does it and this weekend was so crazy everybody was stepping on everybody. This made me feel a little better, I think she was trying to get back at me. What ever!!!! I am going to put a sign on my computer that reads "NO STEPPING ON ANYONE ON THE RADIO", hopefully this will help me to focus on this problem of mine. I am also going to try and not let her get to me, she is not worth it and everyone feels the same about her. Total ass kissing what's in it for her only person.
Besides all that not a whole lot new with me. Well 3 new kidney stones...yea..so much fun. ER after work on Thursday til 230 in the morning and then back to work that Friday, it's been so much fun!!! Not. But doing good other than that, need to take a vacation even if it is just a couple days to NY. I need to go see my new nephew and as dysfunctional as my family is they are my family and I miss them. |
posted Wednesday November 5th, @08:36AM
Tuesday August 19th
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| Tuesday morning, getting lots of feeder bands coming in, but it could have been so much worse. Got everything I need and only lost power like 2 times for about 1 minute, just enough so that then I have to walk around and reset all the clocks(not complaining though...LOL) Suppose to be this way all day since it came a shore and now instead of heading due North it will come across head west then north. But once again all the running around and getting supplies and I really don't I will need them....this time.....LOL Better safe than sorry I always say!!!!! |
posted Tuesday August 19th, @07:13AM
Saturday August 16th
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| crap crap crap.....and we begin today with a grocery run and hurricane preparations. The store was mobbed at 700am....and now that I have my supplies,we are guaranteed a miss from Ms Faye(hurricane name). Supposedly it will be here sometime Monday or Tuesday. And of course once it spares us(fingers crossed) I will eat all the canned goods I bought because I normally do not buy canned ravioli, but they are tasty...so then another one with barrel down upon us and I will have to start the whole process over again...happens every time. I have no will power! And then working at the private corporate airport should be a fun filled day at work for the next couple of days.....everyone wants to get their aircraft fueled and to safer locations. So all in all I am in for it. Plus I had to swap my morning shift for a 2pm-10pm shift in order to get ready and I absolutely hate this shift. And I spent my entire shift yesterday trying to calm my co worker from Colorado down since she has never been thru this.....today I got her a check list from the store for hurricane prep...this should help, but she thinks she is going to die during the hurricane!!!!! But ya got to love her...LOL Well it is now time to get in the shower because I have to make one more stop to get some stuff before I actually get to work.....just so much fun!!!!! |
posted Saturday August 16th, @09:35AM
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LL