dslreports logo
 
    All Forums Hot Topics Gallery
spc
Search similar:


uniqs
41741

GeekNJ
Premium Member
join:2000-09-23
Waldwick, NJ

1 recommendation

GeekNJ

Premium Member

Funniest/Dumbest User Comments

Figured it would be a good group of folks participating in this forum that have some funny and unbelievable interactions with, for lack of a better word, "users" they support. If you have one, post it here.

I'll start out with one that I actually sent in to Computerworld for their back page Shark Tank section. It was published, but I'll have to see if I can find the direct link.

I was in a meeting with the head of the IT Security Group and other IT teams. We were discussing Daylight Savings Time vs Greenwich Mean Time (GMT) and the bi-annual time changes and impact on the systems (Scheduler, etc). After we're into the discussion for a few minutes, the IT Security Manager asks "What do we care what time it is in Greenwich Connecticut for?". After a what seemed like an eternity of awkward silence, I responded by saying that don't observe Daylight Savings Time so we wouldn't need to switch. I don't think she ever understood how stupid she was.

yock
TFTC
Premium Member
join:2000-11-21
Miamisburg, OH

2 recommendations

yock

Premium Member

The SAP client GUI doesn't write changes to the DB on the fly, instead users must click a "save" button that looks like a 3.5 diskette. Almost 2 years after we went live, one user asked me the question (and he's been using it since the beginning):

"Where's the save button?"

I almost cried. No one ever taught this user that it was a "save" button. Instead users refer to it as what they think it looks like. A Honda Symbol.


Save or Honda?

yengec
join:2000-03-24
Boca Raton, FL

4 recommendations

yengec to GeekNJ

Member

to GeekNJ
The lady in charge of the OSHA compliance dept. at a local hospital here in Ft. Lauderdale by far gave me one of the stupidest comments I've ever heard.

This was around Windows 95 days where OS and PC stability wasn't as good as today. She used to use Word Perfect for Windows and she would write long 40-50 page documents. Occasionally in the middle of her work her pc would lock up or something would happen and she would complain that her document was getting lost. This story repeated itself about 2-3 times a week.

I once asked her if she was saving every couple minutes or at least every couple pages. She said that she didn't. Her reasoning was "Saving every half hour or so distracts me. I can not be bothered with saving my documents. I prefer to save them when I'm done editing them."

She gave me a stupid blank expression when I asked her "so retyping the same 50 page document 5 times a week does not cause you distraction? Or better yet, what do you have to turn of your pc off before you go home?". I went behind her back and put an auto-save macro for every 15 minutes and I wasn't around much longer to see what happened.

I swear on top of personality tests and criminal background checks people should really undergo a computer literacy test before being accepted to new positions or jobs. I can't imagine the amount of money this idiot made her workplace lose.

big greg
MVM,
join:2003-10-11
Boston, MA

1 edit

big greg to yock

MVM,

to yock

(topic move) Funniest/Dumbest User Comments

(off-topic discussion deleted)
big greg

1 edit

big greg to GeekNJ

MVM,

to GeekNJ
(off-topic discussion deleted)

nil

join:2000-11-27

nil to GeekNJ

to GeekNJ

Re: Funniest/Dumbest User Comments

From a real-life email spotted today:
said by someone :
HTTP uses a 10K PDU (Protocol Data Unit) size while HTTPS uses a 20K PDU.
<snip>
My question is, does anyone know if these parameters (10K and 20K) are set
in our code or
are we using default parameters set by the operating system?


CRCs Reality
Premium Member
join:2000-07-21
New Kensington, PA

3 recommendations

CRCs Reality to GeekNJ

Premium Member

to GeekNJ
True story from a few years ago at my office...

User: How do I disable the antivirus software on my system?

Me: Why on earth would you want to do that?

User: Well, for two hours now I've been trying to open an e-mail attachment, and the antivirus keeps popping up with something about melissa, then won't let me open the e-mail. I don't even know a melissa, but I really want to open this e-mail.... Hey, why are you un-plugging my network cable?

He had spent 2 hours trying to open an infected attachment.. Then called my boss (who told him he was an idiot) when I unplugged his laptop and took it away to give it a thorough virus scan before I'd let it back on my network. To this day, this particular user (in sales) keeps me busy trying to protect him from himself.

Feets
Premium Member
join:2002-12-11
Toronto, ON

1 recommendation

Feets to GeekNJ

Premium Member

to GeekNJ
How do I print on blue paper?
Drex_CS
join:2005-05-11
canada

Drex_CS

Member

Customer calls me up saying that she cant access her internet connection from the office. So I ask her a couple questions to see if I need to come over to fix it. Turns out that she had thrown out the Internet modem the night before because it "looked ugly sitting on that shelf."

another one:

I just finished setting up a guys network for about 60 computers and I sat down to have some lunch. He wasn't the one who was going to run it, he just financed it. Anyways, He came over and said that he had tried to run all 60 computers and none of them were working. I came with him to see what the problem was, and it turns out he's never turned on a computer before... all he did was move the mouse of all 60 computers to "turn them on."

Lostintech
Phillydude
Premium Member
join:2004-11-21
Philadelphia, PA

Lostintech to GeekNJ

Premium Member

to GeekNJ
»rinkworks.com/stupid/

DarkFiber1
A T T Support
Premium Member
join:2001-12-30
Saint Charles, MO

1 recommendation

DarkFiber1

Premium Member

"I don't have an "Enter" key". I wanted to reply to that with "well, i think the problem might just be between the keyboard and the chair", but I just couldn't.

GeekNJ
Premium Member
join:2000-09-23
Waldwick, NJ

GeekNJ

Premium Member

Another one I dealt with goes WAY BACK to about 1985 or 1986. I was a mainframe assembler programmer developing a product to do conversions of Cobol, Assembler and JCL from DOS (mainframe) to MVS. We used a utility we called SuperZap which allowed us to do a verify/replace of code in hex. We could fix bugs this way and even add some functionality by branching to the new code and then branching back.

This occurred before email and people actually spoke to communicate so I was on the phone and giving the customer, an IT person, at a company the instructions to type it. I read the data over the phone, had them verbally verify it and then submit the batch job that would actually change the stored binary file. The computer rejected it saying the code didn't match in the verification stage. Did it again... same thing. One more time... same thing. I finally ask them to fax it to me.

I grab the printout and practically passed out. Instead of something like (not exact but you'll get the idea):

ver 0123 01 02 0A FC
rep 0123 01 02 0A FD

they had typed:

ver 0123 01 02 0able foxcharlie
ver 0123 01 02 0able foxdog

You can't make this crap up!

yengec
join:2000-03-24
Boca Raton, FL

1 recommendation

yengec

Member

Reminds me a user called me during when windows 95 was just becoming a standard and people were starting to use the Internet for the first time ever.

This lady calls me asking me how to get to a place called "yahoo". I tell her to pull up Netscape and type www.yahoo.com on the address bar. She tried for about an hour to no avail. I knew she was connected to the internet.

So I take a trip to her computer. Turns out that there was no web site at "typewwwdotyahoodotcompressandpressenter". She was typing everything coming out of my mouth.

justin
..needs sleep
Mod
join:1999-05-28
2031

justin to GeekNJ

Mod

to GeekNJ
i had a user that kept running out of mouse pad (optical pads on sun), they would borrow another pad, and place it in whatever direction they needed expansion space...

M A R S
Premium Member
join:2001-06-15
Long Island

1 recommendation

M A R S to yengec

Premium Member

to yengec
said by yengec:

Reminds me a user called me during when windows 95 was just becoming a standard and people were starting to use the Internet for the first time ever.

This lady calls me asking me how to get to a place called "yahoo". I tell her to pull up Netscape and type www.yahoo.com on the address bar. She tried for about an hour to no avail. I knew she was connected to the internet.

So I take a trip to her computer. Turns out that there was no web site at "typewwwdotyahoodotcompressandpressenter". She was typing everything coming out of my mouth.
GOLD!

Ken
MVM
join:2003-06-16
Markle, IN

1 recommendation

Ken to GeekNJ

MVM

to GeekNJ
I worked for a time at a call center that handled calls for Motorola tech support. I had a call from a woman that had just bought a Motorola wireless router and couldn't get on the internet with it. Normally these types of problems are pppoe problems, so I had to ask who her ISP was to determine if she was DHCP or pppoe. So I ask who is your internet provider and she says Motorola. I think okay, she must also have a Motorola cable modem. So I ask who do you pay your monthly bill to, and she doesn't understand what I'm talking about. After another 5 minutes of trying to figure out whats going on she explains that she doesn't have an ISP. But when she was at Radio Shack she saw the wireless router and it said on the box she could share the internet on multiple computers, so she bought it to get on the internet. I tried to explain she still needed to get an ISP to go along with the router, but she got mad and hung up on me.

M A R S
Premium Member
join:2001-06-15
Long Island

1 edit

M A R S

Premium Member

Reminds me of the people who want me to show them how to rip off "the WiFi" from the landlord..

djdanska
Rudie32
Premium Member
join:2001-04-21
San Diego, CA

djdanska to GeekNJ

Premium Member

to GeekNJ
Back when i worked for MediaOne, i had a lady call up telling me her keyboard wasn't working. (Why it was our issue i couldn't tell ya)

She told me since it was all dirty, she put it in the dishwasher and let it air dry. "Why isn't it working??"

D'oh!!!!

Ben Cisco
Embrace Intellect
Premium Member
join:2001-12-13
Wormhole

Ben Cisco to GeekNJ

Premium Member

to GeekNJ
"Do you know WHO I am?"

So many responses, so little time...

1. "Yes, I do, but the hardware/software doesn't CARE who you are..."

2. "No, but I'll ask around and see if anyone else can help you out with that..."

3. "No, what's your name?" "My name is-" "IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS!"

Hilarity ensues...

Time
Premium Member
join:2003-07-05
Irvine, CA

1 edit

Time to GeekNJ

Premium Member

to GeekNJ
LOL! This is what I have to deal with:

From: Dillan <******@dod.mil>
To: ***** ******** <********@dod.mil>
Date: Oct 22, 2005 9:34 AM
Subject: Power cable broken

It appears that my power cable is broken, please bring a new one to my station.

Well, the idiot's power cable was broken, only because he dropped a soldering iron right on the power connector.

I work with several geniuses.

Subaru
1-3-2-4
Premium Member
join:2001-05-31
Greenwich, CT

Subaru to GeekNJ

Premium Member

to GeekNJ
said by GeekNJ:

I was in a meeting with the head of the IT Security Group and other IT teams. We were discussing Daylight Savings Time vs Greenwich Mean Time (GMT) and the bi-annual time changes and impact on the systems (Scheduler, etc). After we're into the discussion for a few minutes, the IT Security Manager asks "What do we care what time it is in Greenwich Connecticut for?". After a what seemed like an eternity of awkward silence, I responded by saying that don't observe Daylight Savings Time so we wouldn't need to switch. I don't think she ever understood how stupid she was.
Lmao! I take it she said that in a serious tone? lol she must not look at timezones I take it.

superdog
I Need A Drink
MVM
join:2001-07-13
Lebanon, PA

4 recommendations

superdog to GeekNJ

MVM

to GeekNJ
I receive a phone call from one of our customers who says, "I can't get on the internet?". I go into SNMP and the NMS we use, and I can see that the radio(wireless to ethernet converter) does not respond to a ping etc. I fire up the service truck and drive to the customers house, and when I get there, the customer and all of his neighbors are outside with brooms. I ask them what they are doing, and they reply"Chasing squirrels". I pay no mind and climb up on the roof to see what the deal is. I see that the shielded CAT5 cable was chewed thru completely, obviously by a small critter. As it turns out, there is a freakin' gaggle of squirrels living in the customers attic. The customer then decides that it is my responsibility to repair the cable AND remove the squirrels so that it doesn't happen again. As I am replacing the CAT5, one of the squirrels becomes aggressive, and decides that I am a little to close to it's home and starts to chatter and hiss at me while running back and forth on the ridge of the roof. At this point, one of the neighbors must have felt that this "killer squirrel" was going to do some serious harm to me, and he starts shooting at it with a pellet gun!, well needless to say, I got off the roof and in my truck and left, while I was still alive to do so!. I came back on Monday morning only to find that the squirrels chewed through the new cable too. I got really PO'ed and got some rat poison and mixed it with peanut butter. It did the job, and all of the squirrels were now in squirrel heaven. I repaired the CAT5 and all was good, until about a week later my truck started to stink with this un-godly smell?. As it turned out, while I was on the roof, the customer took all the dead squirrels and threw them on my truck "under" the big toolbox. When I called him up, his comment was, "Well what did You expect me to do with them?, they were Your problem, NOT MINE!"

Sarah

join:2001-01-09
New York, NY

Sarah to GeekNJ

to GeekNJ
I usually set google as the default homepage when setting up a new machine for someone in the office. I realized after a few months that my boss thought (and still thinks) that the way you get to sites on the internet is to type the address into google, click "google search," and then click the link. Well, it works.

Same person came in quite panicked and said Act! isn't working right. I asked what it was doing and she said she can't type anything into any of the fields. A short investigation revealed that she had unplugged her keyboard and forgotten to plug it back in.

She also got kind of pissed at me when I was unable to recover 100% of the address book that she had never backed up, and manually deleted all the entries 'by accident.'

And she still doesn't back it up unless I remind her.

Cudni
La Merma - Vigilado
MVM
join:2003-12-20
Someshire

Cudni to GeekNJ

MVM

to GeekNJ
I got a call that network printer doesn't work. So i said is it switched on? They say, oh yes definitely. Are you sure i ask, mmmm yes comes the reply. So i go there and they have been turning fax machine on and off

Cudni

KoolMoe
Aw Man
Premium Member
join:2001-02-14
Annapolis, MD

1 edit

KoolMoe to Sarah

Premium Member

to Sarah
said by Sarah:

I usually set google as the default homepage when setting up a new machine for someone in the office. I realized after a few months that my boss thought (and still thinks) that the way you get to sites on the internet is to type the address into google, click "google search," and then click the link. Well, it works.
Too funny. A couple years ago a client was getting a little annoyed why it was taking us so long to put up his new website. We kept telling him (this was all via email) that his site was up and providing the URL for him to check it out.
Finally after the fourth complaint, the lead for that job called the client and told him to start his browser, enter the URL, and report what he saw.
He said all he saw was a bunch of links on Yahoo's site, none of which were for his site.

So it was determined that the client had been typing the URL into the Yahoo search field instead of the browser address field and, since it was a new site that hadn't been indexed yet, he wasn't getting any further.

The concept of the browser's address bar was quietly explained. (and, of course, he liked the site after he saw it )

I know I have many others in the back corners of my mind...
KM

David
Premium Member
join:2002-05-30
Granite City, IL

David to GeekNJ

Premium Member

to GeekNJ
had one individual tell me once that they did not need antivirus software, they were behind a firewall (a NAT only firewall) customer had a router only. He says HA tricked you up there.

Once I proved the amount of traffic he was seeing and what was going on..

I liked the field tech's comment though.
From ticket noted long ago:

Went to premise and proved speeds and dsl working ok to customer's pc and one modem. Customer has multiple users 3rd party router and appears to be infected with viri and spyware. Customer states "I thought firewall was supposed to protect from viruses". ADv cust. to go back and ask best buy what anti-virus is.

I saw this one, one day, and thought "Ok what am I going to do about it? I do dsl."

CANT USE FAX AND VOICE BOTH,OKTOTST

had one guy tell me once that the only reason why he ordered dsl was to make his credit card machine process transactions faster.
David

David to superdog

Premium Member

to superdog
said by superdog:

I receive a phone call from one of our customers who says, "I can't get on the internet?". I go into SNMP and the NMS we use, and I can see that the radio(wireless to ethernet converter) does not respond to a ping etc. I fire up the service truck and drive to the customers house, and when I get there, the customer and all of his neighbors are outside with brooms. I ask them what they are doing, and they reply"Chasing squirrels". I pay no mind and climb up on the roof to see what the deal is. I see that the shielded CAT5 cable was chewed thru completely, obviously by a small critter. As it turns out, there is a freakin' gaggle of squirrels living in the customers attic. The customer then decides that it is my responsibility to repair the cable AND remove the squirrels so that it doesn't happen again. As I am replacing the CAT5, one of the squirrels becomes aggressive, and decides that I am a little to close to it's home and starts to chatter and hiss at me while running back and forth on the ridge of the roof. At this point, one of the neighbors must have felt that this "killer squirrel" was going to do some serious harm to me, and he starts shooting at it with a pellet gun!, well needless to say, I got off the roof and in my truck and left, while I was still alive to do so!. I came back on Monday morning only to find that the squirrels chewed through the new cable too. I got really PO'ed and got some rat poison and mixed it with peanut butter. It did the job, and all of the squirrels were now in squirrel heaven. I repaired the CAT5 and all was good, until about a week later my truck started to stink with this un-godly smell?. As it turned out, while I was on the roof, the customer took all the dead squirrels and threw them on my truck "under" the big toolbox. When I called him up, his comment was, "Well what did You expect me to do with them?, they were Your problem, NOT MINE!"
Oh my god!! I think you win..

Subaru
1-3-2-4
Premium Member
join:2001-05-31
Greenwich, CT

Subaru to GeekNJ

Premium Member

to GeekNJ
LOL and they could not hear the squirrel??

superdog
I Need A Drink
MVM
join:2001-07-13
Lebanon, PA

superdog

MVM

said by Subaru:

LOL and they could not hear the squirrel??
I guess not?. I still have this customer, and he still has squirrels!.:D I finally had enough and ran all of the CAT5 in metal conduit. End of story

Chizep
Premium Member
join:2002-04-07
Concord, NC

Chizep to KoolMoe

Premium Member

to KoolMoe
said by KoolMoe:

So it was determined that the client had been typing the URL into the Yahoo search field instead of the browser address field
I've seen this a lot both at work and at peoples houses. I've gotten into the habit of saying, "type the following into the address bar." And then I explain what and where the address bar is!