santy
Don't Follow Me, I'M Lost Too
Premium,MVM
join:2001-06-10
Wilmington, IL
clubs:
| [Joke] Time for your semi-occassional groaner
A Mexican named Juan decided that he might be able to supplement his
income by investing in, breeding, and selling tropical birds. He
began by buying a large red-billed toucan and started to raise it to
attempt to discover if he had a flair for handling birds. He soon
discovered that the care and feeding of his rare tropical toucan was
costing much more than he had originally anticipated.
Juan tried to save money by sacrificing his own dietary well being
and began living on basic staples like rice and beans. Unfortunately,
the bird was still very expensive to feed and care for. Juan experimented.
He began feeding his bird the same food he ate.
He was surprised to discover that the bird flourished. The toucan
did wonderfully well eating the same inexpensive food as Juan. The
bird particularly liked rice and beans.
Juan became famous in the annals of bird breeding when it was
discovered that toucan live as cheap as Juan.
________________
A man told the ringmaster that he was interested in joining the circus as a
lion tamer. The ringmaster asked if he had any experience and the man said,
"Why, yes. My father was one of the most famous lion tamers in the world,
and he taught me everything he knew."
"Really?" said the ringmaster. "Did he teach you how to make a lion jump
through a flaming hoop?"
"Yes he did," the man replied.
"And did he teach you how to have six lions form a pyramid?"
"Yes he did," the man replied.
"And have you ever stuck your head in a lion's mouth?"
"Just once," the man replied.
The ringmaster asked, "Why only once?"
And the man said, "I was looking for my father."
--
You don't quit playing 'cause you're OLD. You're old BECAUSE you quit playing!! |
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lonnyb
lurking no longer
Premium
join:2004-01-25
Elizabethtown, KY
clubs: | No groans from me. Those rate a guffaw each! |
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georgequ
Premium
join:2003-05-10
Painesville, OH
clubs:
 ·AT&T Midwest
| reply to santy
Keep em coming Santyclaws.
The first one reminded me of this little thing, forgot where I got it, if it came from someone in Team Helix, please accept my Sincere apologies.
--
I stopped by one day, and decided to stay awhile |
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Akasha
OT Queen
Premium
join:2006-08-10
Am I lost?
clubs:
 ·RoadRunner Cable
| reply to santy
Does this count as one? My husband just loves this one... (I have no idea why though  )
Satans Sister (A Little Humor)
Satan visits church...
A few minutes before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
Soon everyone had exited the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seeming oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
So Satan walked up to the old man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
"Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked.
"Nope, sure aint!" said the man.
"Don't you realize I can kill you with a word?" asked Satan..
"Don't doubt it for a minute," returned the old man, in an even tone.
"Did you know that I could cause you profound,horrifying, physical AGONY for all eternity?" persisted Satan.
"Yep" was the calm reply.
"And you're still not afraid?" asked Satan.
"Nope"
More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Well, why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for 48 years."
--
"I'd hate to take a bite out of you. You're a cookie full of arsenic." - Sweet Smell of Success
»Team Helix |
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Dominokat
"Hi"
Premium
join:2002-08-06
Boothbay, ME
clubs:
·RoadRunner Cable
| said by Akasha  :Does this count as one? My husband just loves this one... (I have no idea why though ) Yup, that one counts.
   
Good one!
--
"Save the Cheerleader-Save the World" |
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delenn13
De gustibus nil disputandum
Premium,MVM
join:2006-03-02
Ridgeway, ON
clubs: | reply to santy
Yep..they were all good.
|
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usa2k
Please PRAY for Rebekah
Premium,MVM
join:2003-01-26
Canton, MI
clubs:
 ·VOIPo
·WOW Internet and C..
·Broadvox Direct
|  reply to Akasha
Re: [Joke] Time for your semi-occassional groaner
A priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven.
St. Peter was at the Pearly gates waiting for them.
'Come with me', said St. Peter to the taxi driver.
The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St. Peter to a mansion.
It had anything you could imagine from a bowling alley to an Olympic size pool.
'Wow, thank you', said the taxi driver.
Next, St. Peter led the priest to a rugged old shack with a bunk bed and
a little old television set.
'Wait, I think you are a little mixed up', said the priest.
'Shouldn't I be the one who gets the mansion? After all I was a priest,
went to church every day, and preached God's word.'
'Yes, that's true. But during your sermons people slept.
When the taxi driver drove, everyone prayed.'
--
Jim -- USA2K
SEE: |DCWU |FP |FAH | REBEKAH
FWD, Vonage since 01/2003 |
|
usa2k
Please PRAY for Rebekah
Premium,MVM
join:2003-01-26
Canton, MI
clubs:
·VOIPo
·WOW Internet and C..
·Broadvox Direct
|  Re: [Joke] Time for Thanskgiving groaner
The blonde Thanksgiving dinner
It was the first time the blonde was eating Thanksgiving dinner without her family. Trying to re-enact the tradition, she prepared a dinner for herself alone. The next day, her mother called to see how everything went.
"Oh, mother, I made myself a lovely dinner, but I had so much trouble trying to eat the turkey!" said the daughter.
"Did it not taste good?" her mother asked.
"I don't know," the blonde said. "It wouldn't sit still!"
--
Jim -- USA2K
SEE: |DCWU |FP |FAH | REBEKAH
FWD, Vonage since 01/2003 |
|
Crazy_girl
Premium
join:2006-09-22
Serbia
clubs: | reply to santy
Re: [Joke] Time for your semi-occassional groaner
HAHAHAHAHA!Wonderful.:)) |
|
Santa Fe
I think therefore I Fold.
Premium,ExMod 2002-7
join:2000-08-22
Freight Yard
clubs:
·Mediacom
| reply to santy
The World Expert on European Wasps
The world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make is taking a stroll down his local town. As he passes by the record shop, a sign catches his eye: "Just Released - New LP - Wasps of the World and the sounds that they make - available now"
Unable to resist the temptation, the man goes into the shop.
"I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make. I'd very much like to listen to the new LP you have advertised in the window."
"Certainly, Sir," says the young man behind the counter. "If you'd like to step into the booth and put on the headphones, I'll put the LP on for you."
The world expert on European wasps goes into the booth and puts on the earphones. Three minutes later, he comes out of the booth and announces, "I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I recognised none of those."
"I'm very sorry Sir", says the young assistant. "If you'd care to step into the booth again, I can play you have another track."
The world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make steps back into the booth and replaces the headphones.
Three minutes later, he comes out of the booth shaking his head. "I don't understand it", he says, "I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make, and yet I still can't recognise any of those!"
"I'm terribly sorry, Sir" says the young man, "perhaps if you'd like to step into the booth again, you could hear another track."
Sighing, the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make steps back into the booth. Five minutes later, he comes out again, clearly agitated.
"I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I have recognised none of the wasps on this LP."
"I really am terribly sorry", says the young assistant,
.
.
.
"I've just realised I was playing you the bee side."
--
We run Folding@Home and Rosetta@Home |
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Dominokat
"Hi"
Premium
join:2002-08-06
Boothbay, ME
clubs: | reply to santy
Groan...  |
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