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Canadian Chat → Re: ok a strange topic: Dissolving Grandma. Part Deux

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This is a sub-selection from ok a strange topic: Dissolving Grandma. Part Deux

Gone Premium Member join:2011-01-24 Fort Erie, ON	Gone to Ian1 Premium Member 2012-Nov-29 8:17 pm to Ian1 Re: ok a strange topic: Dissolving Grandma. Part Deux said by Ian1: So if my loved ones want to sell my dead body to a traveling carnival to mummify and make a ring-toss game out of, that's a-OK, regardless of my own wishes on it? I think the bigger question is why do you even care? It's no longer about you. It's about them. Telling your family what they can and cannot do to remember you after you're long and dead is nothing short of self-serving and, indeed, disrespectful of the people who are left behind. It's them who are remembering you, not you remembering yourself. Furthermore, legally, you have no right to dictate what happens to you after you die. It is strictly up to your family. The only right you have is to dispose of your assets, and even then there things that can cause your wishes to be overrideen. When it comes to the funeral and internment of the body, your family can to put you into a cannon and shoot you off into outer space there's nothing you can do from beyond the grave to stop them.
	actions · 2012-Nov-29 8:17 pm ·
Juggernaut Irreverent or irrelevant? Premium Member join:2006-09-05 Kelowna, BC	Juggernaut Premium Member 2012-Nov-29 8:20 pm No, it's about the law, and the right of the deceased to have their will executed as desired. Period. The living have no say about it.
	actions · 2012-Nov-29 8:20 pm ·
Gone Premium Member join:2011-01-24 Fort Erie, ON	Gone Premium Member 2012-Nov-29 8:21 pm said by Juggernaut: No, it's about the law, and the right of the deceased to have their will executed as desired. Period. The living have no say about it. Wrong. The will only deals with the disposition of assets. You have no legal entitlement to dictate your own funeral plans. You can express your wishes to your family, but they are not bound by them.
	actions · 2012-Nov-29 8:21 pm ·
Juggernaut Irreverent or irrelevant? Premium Member join:2006-09-05 Kelowna, BC	Juggernaut Premium Member 2012-Nov-29 8:26 pm That statement requires a legal citation. I don't buy it.
	actions · 2012-Nov-29 8:26 pm ·
Gone Premium Member join:2011-01-24 Fort Erie, ON	Gone Premium Member 2012-Nov-29 8:33 pm said by Juggernaut: That statement requires a legal citation. I don't buy it. From the horses mouth, perhaps? said by »www.sse.gov.on.ca/mcs/en ··· s.aspx#1 : Who has the legal authority to decide what will happen to the body of a deceased person? In order of priority it is: An estate trustee (also called an executor or executrix) who is named in the deceased person's will (or, an administrator appointed by the court) A spouse Adult children. If you are an estate trustee, expect to provide photo ID and proof of your authority (like a will or court order) before you make arrangements. I am sure other provinces in Canada and even states in the US are similar. You can name who you want responsible for the funeral and the handling of the will, but you have no legal authority to dictate exactly how they proceed with those plans.
	actions · 2012-Nov-29 8:33 pm ·
Gone	Gone Premium Member 2012-Nov-29 8:36 pm It's also worth pointing out that by the time a last will is read, the funeral will be long over. In other words - they get to decide, not you.
	actions · 2012-Nov-29 8:36 pm ·
Juggernaut Irreverent or irrelevant? Premium Member join:2006-09-05 Kelowna, BC	Juggernaut to Gone Premium Member 2012-Nov-29 8:37 pm to Gone The executor or executrix, has a legal obligation to follow the will (desires) of the deceased.
	actions · 2012-Nov-29 8:37 pm ·
Ian1 Premium Member join:2002-06-18 ON	Ian1 to Gone Premium Member 2012-Nov-29 8:40 pm to Gone said by Gone: said by Ian1: So if my loved ones want to sell my dead body to a traveling carnival to mummify and make a ring-toss game out of, that's a-OK, regardless of my own wishes on it? I think the bigger question is why do you even care? It's no longer about you. It's about them. Telling your family what they can and cannot do to remember you after you're long and dead is nothing short of self-serving and, indeed, disrespectful of the people who are left behind. It's them who are remembering you, not you remembering yourself. Your own personal opinions. And opinions not necessarily shared by others. Suppose you had religious beliefs that were that however "whole" your body was in the weeks, months, or years after death, would dictate how you would be in some sort of after-life? This is actually one of the reasons why people don't wish to donate organs after death. Should your family have the the right to deviate from your religious beliefs? said by Gone: Furthermore, legally, you have no right to dictate what happens to you after you die. It is strictly up to your family. Your knowledge of the law on this is clearly deficient. If in the form of a legal will, you designate what is to happen to your remains, your executor (who may or may not be a family member) is not only responsible for, but is legally-bound to follow your wishes to the letter, so long as your wishes were legal and funded by your estate. As with anything else in a legal will, it would be up to the family to challenge the will in court if they had ideas for disposing of your body at odds with your own.
	actions · 2012-Nov-29 8:40 pm ·
hm @videotron.ca	hm to Gone Anon 2012-Nov-29 8:47 pm to Gone said by Gone: Wrong. The will only deals with the disposition of assets. You have no legal entitlement to dictate your own funeral plans. You can express your wishes to your family, but they are not bound by them. Dunno about that. I know people who per-arranged and it's all taken care of from the time they drop dead. The persons wishes are adhered to strictly, per contract. In a second case, w/o the family even knowing, I know another who arranged with a uni to take her body. As soon as it got to the hospital, staff told family, you have 3-hrs that's it. She is in room such and such. I was late coming from Ottawa, they kept her on ice (so to speak) for me an extra hour (they were being kind). No say. All you get is a thank you note, cremation done for free, and maybe her ashes if you want them from whatever body part they cremated (who knows where the rest ends up, and some end up in Dog training school in Ottawa for RCMP dogs.. find the head boy). A legal document like a will is no different. If someone wanted to they could go to court to force your last wishes. Or are you saying a will is not a legal document? Or are you saying how you will your body has no legal standing in Canada or the prov's? Think you may be wrong here. But anyhow, what does it matter. To go against someone wishes is just wrong... unless financial circumstances dictate otherwise, or if you are stuck paying it. Now most people have no such contract(s) or even a will for that matter. And many people, as exampled above, just don't care either way. In these cases, yeah, do what you want. But anyhow, I don't think there is a right or wrong (unless going against someone wishes and the financial means are left for their wishes). It's all open choice and money. So in this circumstance there is no right and wrong. Flush, burn, bury, fish-food... all gravy. So does flushing grandma and maybe having her pass through a water treatment plant to end up in your pot of soup that you're making gross some people out here?
	actions · 2012-Nov-29 8:47 pm ·
Gone Premium Member join:2011-01-24 Fort Erie, ON	Gone to Juggernaut Premium Member 2012-Nov-29 8:44 pm to Juggernaut said by Juggernaut: The executor or executrix, has a legal obligation to follow the will (desires) of the deceased. ... and funeral arrangements are not part of a will, because a will is dealt with weeks - and sometimes months - after a funeral has passed. You can pick an executor you trust and express your wishes to them, but they have the final say. Like I said, they can shoot you off into space and there's nothing you can do from beyond the grave to stop them.
	actions · 2012-Nov-29 8:44 pm ·
Juggernaut Irreverent or irrelevant? Premium Member join:2006-09-05 Kelowna, BC	Juggernaut Premium Member 2012-Nov-29 8:49 pm Really... I've read my fathers will (he's long gone), and my mothers as well. She's alive right now. I am the executor of her will. My fathers will was opened by a lawyer upon his death, and his wishes were carried out by the executor. The lawyer made sure his final wishes were carried out to the letter.
	actions · 2012-Nov-29 8:49 pm ·
Gone Premium Member join:2011-01-24 Fort Erie, ON 1 edit	Gone to Ian1 Premium Member 2012-Nov-29 8:51 pm to Ian1 said by Ian1: Your knowledge of the law on this is clearly deficient. If in the form of a legal will, you designate what is to happen to your remains, your executor (who may or may not be a family member) is not only responsible for, but is legally-bound to follow your wishes to the letter, so long as your wishes were legal and funded by your estate. As with anything else in a legal will, it would be up to the family to challenge the will in court if they had ideas for disposing of your body at odds with your own. Bzzzt wrong. Funeral arrangements are not part of a will. Hell, a will isn't even dealt with until long after a funeral has passed. A will only deals with disposition of assets - in other words, you pay for your funeral out of your estate, but beyond that you cannot legally dictate the service or how your remains are dealt with. You can express your wishes to your executor, but they are not legally bound to do exactly what you want. It's an identical situation as with organ donation. For someone who claims that my knowledge of the law is deficient, you may wish to educate yourself on this topic first. Think about it - if funeral arrangements and body disposal were legally binding, what would happen if someone's will contained some sort of funeral or disposal provision that was logistically or financially impossible for the estate to perform? You think any of that would be legally binding? It's not. It's up to the executor. You have no say - end of story. If the idea of being able to tell people how they are entitled to celebrate your life after you die brings you comfort, so be it. It doesn't mean that they are bound to do what you want, though. Edit - the custody of minor children are also dealt with in a will, but since we're talking finances I figured that was a given.
	actions · 2012-Nov-29 8:51 pm ·
Gone	Gone to Juggernaut Premium Member 2012-Nov-29 8:52 pm to Juggernaut said by Juggernaut: My fathers will was opened by a lawyer upon his death, and his wishes were carried out by the executor. The lawyer made sure his final wishes were carried out to the letter. Was his lawyer the executor? That's not unheard of. If his lawyer wasn't, he wouldn't have had any legal authority to dictate anything.
	actions · 2012-Nov-29 8:52 pm ·
Ian1 Premium Member join:2002-06-18 ON 1 recommendation	Ian1 to Gone Premium Member 2012-Nov-29 9:04 pm to Gone said by Gone: said by Ian1: Your knowledge of the law on this is clearly deficient. If in the form of a legal will, you designate what is to happen to your remains, your executor (who may or may not be a family member) is not only responsible for, but is legally-bound to follow your wishes to the letter, so long as your wishes were legal and funded by your estate. As with anything else in a legal will, it would be up to the family to challenge the will in court if they had ideas for disposing of your body at odds with your own. Bzzzt wrong. Funeral arrangements are not part of a will. Hell, a will isn't even dealt with until long after a funeral has passed. A will only deals with disposition of assets - in other words, you pay for your funeral out of your estate, but beyond that you cannot legally dictate the service or how your remains are dealt with. You can express your wishes to your executor, but they are not legally bound to do exactly what you want. It's an identical situation as with organ donation. Yes, you're completely, and wholly wrong on this. The very first duties of an executor are to locate and read the will. They then arrange the funeral according to the wishes of the person who wrote the will. If pre-arrangements were made (and they often are) those arrangements will happen. That this happens weeks, months or years before the estate is finally closed, is irrelevant. said by Gone: Think about it - if funeral arrangements and body disposal were legally binding, what would happen if someone's will contained some sort of funeral or disposal provision that was logistically or financially impossible for the estate to perform? I have a suspicion that this doesn't come up much. An executor is bound to do what the will specifies to the best of their abilities. And if that's to bury you in a crystal mausoleum instead of being flushed down the drain, the executor will honour your wishes over those of your loved ones. As they are legally bound to. Disagree with that? That's fine. Irrelevant, but fine.
	actions · 2012-Nov-29 9:04 pm ·

jaberi join:2010-08-13	jaberi Member 2012-Nov-29 9:14 pm Ian, or anyone ...... how long after death is the will open to be settled?..what's the probate thing mean?
	actions · 2012-Nov-29 9:14 pm ·
koira Hey Siri Walk Me Premium Member join:2004-02-16	koira to Ian1 Premium Member 2012-Nov-29 9:15 pm to Ian1 funeral wishes can be expressed in a will but the problem with this being that the will may not be read until after the funeral. if there are specific wishes its best they be left clearly with someone such as a spouse, and or close friends to ensure the details of the funeral are not missed.
	actions · 2012-Nov-29 9:15 pm ·
Gone Premium Member join:2011-01-24 Fort Erie, ON	Gone to Ian1 Premium Member 2012-Nov-29 9:21 pm to Ian1 said by Ian1: Yes, you're completely, and wholly wrong on this. The very first duties of an executor are to locate and read the will. They then arrange the funeral according to the wishes of the person who wrote the will. If pre-arrangements were made (and they often are) those arrangements will happen. That this happens weeks, months or years before the estate is finally closed, is irrelevant. It's funny seeing people who swear they are correct actually be quite wrong. said by »www.cba.org/bc/public_me ··· 178.aspx : Your first decision as executor may be about funeral arrangements The funeral is your responsibility, although you’ll want to consider the wishes of the deceased person and their relatives. The funeral parlor will ordinarily order you copies of the death certificate. You may take the funeral bills to the bank where the deceased kept an account. If there’s enough money in the account, the bank will give you a cheque from that account to pay the expenses. There it is in black and white. Canadian sourced, with the same law in all provinces. The executor has the final say, not you. For the last time - the actual funeral service and the disposal of one's body ARE NOT INCLUDED IN A WILL! That entire document outlines the rights of an executor. Read it over, you might learn something. Having said that, are we done, or are you going to continue arguing about a topic for which you were and continue to remain incorrect?
	actions · 2012-Nov-29 9:21 pm ·
Ian1 Premium Member join:2002-06-18 ON	Ian1 to jaberi Premium Member 2012-Nov-29 9:23 pm to jaberi said by jaberi: Ian, or anyone ...... how long after death is the will open to be settled?..what's the probate thing mean? I'm no expert, but I think it's wildly dependent on the complexity of the estate and whether or not anything is contested or not. For example, if your estate is 100% cash, quickly. If its a web of complex securities and real estate partnerships over 6 continents, years.
	actions · 2012-Nov-29 9:23 pm ·
Gone Premium Member join:2011-01-24 Fort Erie, ON	Gone to koira Premium Member 2012-Nov-29 9:25 pm to koira said by koira: funeral wishes can be expressed in a will but the problem with this being that the will may not be read until after the funeral. if there are specific wishes its best they be left clearly with someone such as a spouse, and or close friends to ensure the details of the funeral are not missed. Absolutely, but none of that is legally binding. This is why if you do have some sort of final wishes that you pick your executor very carefully and not only ensure that it is someone you trust, but that they know those wishes. Still, as I said, funeral arrangements aren't for the person who died. They're for the ones left behind. Trying to dictate what they can and cannot do (including who is invited and what not) is taking arrogance to a level beyond anything reasonable. Ultimately, the issue of funerals is the same as organ donation. No matter how many times you sign an organ donation card, your family can still say no. Just the same, even if you outline your funeral plans in detail the executor of your estate still has the final say.
	actions · 2012-Nov-29 9:25 pm ·
Ian1 Premium Member join:2002-06-18 ON	Ian1 to koira Premium Member 2012-Nov-29 9:29 pm to koira said by koira: funeral wishes can be expressed in a will but the problem with this being that the will may not be read until after the funeral. The first thing that an executor is supposed to do after the person dies is to locate and read that will. That doesn't mean that they have to instantly track down every person in it and communicate the contents. The second thing is to arrange the funeral. What you're describing is an occurrence where for some reason the first thing can't happen in a timely fashion and the second thing somehow leapfrogs it. I doubt that is a routine thing. People need to make travel/work arrangements. Instant funerals aren't that common. You're also supposing that the deceased made no prior communication about funeral arrangements prior to their death.
	actions · 2012-Nov-29 9:29 pm ·
koira Hey Siri Walk Me Premium Member join:2004-02-16	koira to Ian1 Premium Member 2012-Nov-29 9:35 pm to Ian1 said by Ian1: said by jaberi: Ian, or anyone ...... how long after death is the will open to be settled?..what's the probate thing mean? I'm no expert, but I think it's wildly dependent on the complexity of the estate and whether or not anything is contested or not. For example, if your estate is 100% cash, quickly. If its a web of complex securities and real estate partnerships over 6 continents, years. yes jaberi, the sharing or settlement of a will is a very complicated question. such as if there are others contesting the will, or other legal proceedings there is no time limit for closure. probate is a separate topic, the will can go to probate which is acceptance by the courts taht this is the final will but actual distribution and settlement can be delayed by those who feel they are entitled to a share. each case is different. do some research on line , there is a lot of examples and if you need to get specific consult a lawyer. you can get some initial consultation at little or no cost refer to The Law Society of Upper Canada
	actions · 2012-Nov-29 9:35 pm ·
Tabernak @videotron.ca 1 edit	Tabernak to Gone Anon 2012-Nov-29 9:47 pm to Gone [edit] Who cares. If you have no respect for a loved ones wishes, as you stated, who cares. Some people respect it. Each to their own. I think he already stated it's all moot anyhow. And Gone, that is assuming money was not left for this specific dirty deed, or if no contract was already pre-arranged, prov, and, and, and.. This all comes down to the persons wishes, wills, contracts, and the money. Remove the money set aside from the estate (if any) for this, and contracted pre-arrangements then it's open season.
	actions · 2012-Nov-29 9:47 pm ·
Gone Premium Member join:2011-01-24 Fort Erie, ON	Gone to koira Premium Member 2012-Nov-29 9:37 pm to koira said by koira: yes jaberi, the sharing or settlement of a will is a very complicated question. such as if there are others contesting the will, or other legal proceedings there is no time limit for closure. probate is a separate topic, the will can go to probate which is acceptance by the courts taht this is the final will but actual distribution and settlement can be delayed by those who feel they are entitled to a share. each case is different. do some research on line , there is a lot of examples and if you need to get specific consult a lawyer. you can get some initial consultation at little or no cost refer to The Law Society of Upper Canada When I did IT work at a law firm, there were wills that hadn't been fully and completely settled well over a decade after the person died. It's not like they show on TV where someone puts in a video tape and everyone walks away with their kit. Sometimes it can take a very long time.
	actions · 2012-Nov-29 9:37 pm ·
koira Hey Siri Walk Me Premium Member join:2004-02-16	koira to Gone Premium Member 2012-Nov-29 9:39 pm to Gone said by Gone: said by koira: funeral wishes can be expressed in a will but the problem with this being that the will may not be read until after the funeral. if there are specific wishes its best they be left clearly with someone such as a spouse, and or close friends to ensure the details of the funeral are not missed. Absolutely, but none of that is legally binding. This is why if you do have some sort of final wishes that you pick your executor very carefully and not only ensure that it is someone you trust, but that they know those wishes. Still, as I said, funeral arrangements aren't for the person who died. They're for the ones left behind. Trying to dictate what they can and cannot do (including who is invited and what not) is taking arrogance to a level beyond anything reasonable. Ultimately, the issue of funerals is the same as organ donation. No matter how many times you sign an organ donation card, your family can still say no. Just the same, even if you outline your funeral plans in detail the executor of your estate still has the final say. agreed what you want and what your executer thinks you want are two different matters
	actions · 2012-Nov-29 9:39 pm ·
koira	koira to Gone Premium Member 2012-Nov-29 9:44 pm to Gone said by Gone: said by koira: yes jaberi, the sharing or settlement of a will is a very complicated question. such as if there are others contesting the will, or other legal proceedings there is no time limit for closure. probate is a separate topic, the will can go to probate which is acceptance by the courts taht this is the final will but actual distribution and settlement can be delayed by those who feel they are entitled to a share. each case is different. do some research on line , there is a lot of examples and if you need to get specific consult a lawyer. you can get some initial consultation at little or no cost refer to The Law Society of Upper Canada When I did IT work at a law firm, there were wills that hadn't been fully and completely settled well over a decade after the person died. It's not like they show on TV where someone puts in a video tape and everyone walks away with their kit. Sometimes it can take a very long time. let me say this in simple terms, if you think you got something coming to you don't count on it
	actions · 2012-Nov-29 9:44 pm ·
Ian1 Premium Member join:2002-06-18 ON	Ian1 to Gone Premium Member 2012-Nov-29 9:48 pm to Gone said by Gone: There it is in black and white. Canadian sourced, with the same law in all provinces. The executor has the final say, not you. For the last time - the actual funeral service and the disposal of one's body ARE NOT INCLUDED IN A WILL! That entire document outlines the rights of an executor. Read it over, you might learn something. Having said that, are we done, or are you going to continue arguing about a topic for which you were and continue to remain incorrect? Ok, my understanding was slightly wrong, but so was yours. The decision of the funeral arrangement and disposition of the body is up to the executor, not the family. While an executor may not have a legal duty to dispose of your corpse exactly in a manner specified by you, surely that they might agree to do so according to your wishes just might be one of the criteria you would use in selecting who is your executor? "Ask some random dude on the street." would seem to be an unlikely method in selecting one for most of us. Some Canadian law in cases where families have contested an executor's decisions, and the results. WEL_BodyAshe···tion.pdf 153527 bytes "Ultimately, there is nothing to prevent an executor from carrying out the deceased’s lawful wishes regarding his or her disposal. 30" In other words, not even the family's (or loved ones) wishes. And the law is actually NOT consistent country-wide. In Quebec and BC; "In British Columbia, the executor is bound by the wishes of the deceased." "Similarly, Article 42 of the Civil Code 39 in Quebec allows a testator to direct in writing the nature of his or her funeral and the disposal of his or her remains."
	actions · 2012-Nov-29 9:48 pm ·
Gone Premium Member join:2011-01-24 Fort Erie, ON	Gone to Tabernak Premium Member 2012-Nov-29 9:50 pm to Tabernak said by Tabernak : And Gone, that is assuming money was not left for this specific dirty deed, or if no contract was already pre-arranged, prov, and, and, and.. This all comes down to the persons wishes, wills, contracts, and the money. Remove the money set aside from the estate (if any) for this, and contracted pre-arrangements then it's open season. Read the document I posted. In Ontario at least, an executor of an estate can cancel any and all contracts related to a pre-arranged funeral or internment plans. In Ontario at least, you quite literally have zero say as to your funeral or what they do with your body - not even when you pre-arrange.
	actions · 2012-Nov-29 9:50 pm ·
Gone	Gone to Ian1 Premium Member 2012-Nov-29 9:53 pm to Ian1 said by Ian1: Ok, my understanding was slightly wrong, but so was yours. The decision of the funeral arrangement and disposition of the body is up to the executor, not the family. You found the exact same document I already posted. Heh. But really, you weren't "slightly" wrong - your entire understanding of the process was completely wrong. As for me, since most people appoint a member of their family as an executor, I had the general idea correct that the person who died has no say in their funeral or internment. You were way off base on that, far worse than I was with regards to who has that say. But hey, at least you learned something. And yes, anything can be challenged. Wills aren't set in stone. Like what has already been said, if you think you're getting something you may find yourself sorely disappointed.
	actions · 2012-Nov-29 9:53 pm ·
Ian1 Premium Member join:2002-06-18 ON	Ian1 Premium Member 2012-Nov-29 10:05 pm said by Gone: But hey, at least you learned something. As apparently did you. said by Gone: Furthermore, legally, you have no right to dictate what happens to you after you die. It is strictly up to your family. Your statement was completely wrong. Your executor decides what happens, if that's a family member, great. But it certainly might not be. The fundamental upshot is, if I want to be buried in the afore-mentioned crystal mausoleum instead of being flushed down the drain, assuming my family wanted that, it would have a bearing on who I chose to be my executor. If it mattered to me, I'd ask my executor if they were willing to abide by my wishes before tasking them with it.
	actions · 2012-Nov-29 10:05 pm ·
Gone Premium Member join:2011-01-24 Fort Erie, ON	Gone Premium Member 2012-Nov-29 10:18 pm To which, most people pick a member of their family - usually an adult child - as their executor, so I had the general idea correct. Executor, family, whatever. The point that remains - and that I was correct on from the very beginning - is that you have no final say on this matter and that they can shoot you in a cannon into outer space and there's nothing that you can do about it. You were incorrect to argue otherwise, and I should also point out that you never said anything about an executor versus family until now when you had already been called out. Just remember, you're the person who went so far as to say, and I quote, that "your knowledge of the law on this is clearly deficient" with regards to the deceased having no say as to their funeral or internment arrangements, and had an entire basis of argument that was incorrect from the get-go. Nothing you said about funerals being in wills or anything like that was correct. If you from BC like the other poster you'd get a pass, you knew your own law and in that case it was a matter of local precedent (and even then that seems odd, since I found refs from BC that said even out there you have no final say). But you aren't. You're from Ontario. And your knowledge of Ontario estate law was wrong. In the future Ian, perhaps you may wish to be less boisterous about your knowledge of such law when it is itself deficient, eh Ian?
	actions · 2012-Nov-29 10:18 pm ·

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This is a sub-selection from ok a strange topic: Dissolving Grandma. Part Deux