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<title>UK Chat forum - dslreports.com community</title>
<link>http://www.dslreports.com/forum/ukchat</link>
<description>UK Chat forum current topics</description>
<language>en</language>
<copyright>Copyright 2007, dslreports.com</copyright>
<pubDate>Sun, 08 Nov 2009 21:08:29 EDT</pubDate>
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<item>
<title>[Joke] &#x27;Cos it&#x27;s Friday</title>
<link>http://www.dslreports.com/forum/remark,23300967</link>
<description><![CDATA[]]></description>
<guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.dslreports.com/forum/remark,23300967</guid>
<pubDate>2009-11-06 10:01:46</pubDate>
</item>

<item>
<title>[Joke] &#x27;Merkins</title>
<link>http://www.dslreports.com/forum/remark,23300972</link>
<description><![CDATA[The train was quite crowded, so a U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well dressed, middle-aged, French woman's poodle. 

The war-weary Marine asked, 'Ma'am, may I have that seat?' 

The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular, 'Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat.' 
  
The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog. 

'Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired.' 

She snorted, not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!' 

This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window, and sat down. 

The woman shrieked, 'Someone must defend my honor! This American should be put in his place!' 
An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, 'Sir, you Americans often seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out the window.' ]]></description>
<guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.dslreports.com/forum/remark,23300972</guid>
<pubDate>2009-11-06 10:02:06</pubDate>
</item>

<item>
<title>Photo Gallery</title>
<link>http://www.dslreports.com/forum/remark,23275388</link>
<description><![CDATA[Just thought I'd remind all of you that there is actually a photo gallery associated with this forum and encourage anyone who wants to submit photos to do so.

This is how I find interesting places to go and shoot, hopefully better than you did!  ;)  I know a lot of the guys who frequent this forum post their photos in the Digital Imaging forum's gallery, but UK Chat's gallery provides another option, especially for photos most likely to be of interest to posters (and lurkers) here.

Besides, the more photos the rest of you submit, the easier it is for me to sneak in the occasional photo without appearing to be hogging the forum!

Oh, yeah, ... it's at http://www.dslreports.com/pics/ukpeople .
--
Regards,
    Joseph V. Morris]]></description>
<guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.dslreports.com/forum/remark,23275388</guid>
<pubDate>2009-11-01 17:17:44</pubDate>
</item>

<item>
<title>[Joke] Blonde School teaching.</title>
<link>http://www.dslreports.com/forum/remark,23284600</link>
<description><![CDATA[ A blonde gets a job as a teacher
 
She notices a boy in the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun. She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.
 
'You OK?' she says.
 
'Yes.' he says.
 
'You can go and play with the other kids you know' she  says.
 
'It's best I stay here.' he says.
 
'Why?' says the blonde.
 
The boy says: "Because I'm the f*cking goal keeper"]]></description>
<guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.dslreports.com/forum/remark,23284600</guid>
<pubDate>2009-11-03 13:14:25</pubDate>
</item>

<item>
<title>[Joke] If  Tommy Cooper were alive today</title>
<link>http://www.dslreports.com/forum/remark,23260719</link>
<description><![CDATA[ 
I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it. I thought, 'That's Aboriginal.'
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This lorry full of tortoises collided with a van full of terrapins. It was a turtle disaster.
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I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley. She said 'Tenpin?' I said, 'No, permanent.'
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I went into a pet shop. I said, 'Can I buy a goldfish?' The guy said, 'Do you want an aquarium?' I said, 'I don't care what star sign it is.'
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I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet. 'Best before End'
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I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said 'Analogue.' I said 'No, just a watch.'
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I went into a shop and I said, 'Can someone sell me a kettle.' The bloke said 'Kenwood' I said, 'Where is he then?'
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My mate is in love with two schoolbags. He's bi-satchel.
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I went to the doctor. I said to him 'I'm frightened of lapels.' He said, 'You've got cholera.'
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I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, its P something T something R.
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I was reading this book today, The History of Glue. I couldn't put it down.
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I phoned the local ramblers club today, but the bloke who answered just went on and on.
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The recruitment consultant asked me 'What do you think of voluntary work? I said 'I wouldn't do it if you paid me.'
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I was in the jungle and there was this monkey with a tin opener. I said, 'You don't need a tin opener to peel a banana.' He said, 'No, this is for the custard.'
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This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, 'I want you to trace someone for me..'
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I told my mum that I'd opened a theatre. She said, 'Are you having me on?' I said, 'Well I'll give you an audition, but I'm not promising you anything.'
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I phoned the local builders today, I said to them 'Can I have a skip outside my house?' He said, 'I'm not stopping you!'
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This cowboy walks in to a German car showroom and he says 'Audi!'
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I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, 'Nearest the bull goes first' He went 'Baah' and I went 'Moo' He said 'You're closest'
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I was driving up the motorway and my boss phoned me and he told me I'd been promoted. I was so shocked I swerved the car. He phoned me again to say I'd been promoted even higher and I swerved again. He then made me managing director and I went right off into a tree. The police came and asked me what had happened. I said 'I careered off the road'
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I visited the offices of the RSPCA today. It's tiny: you couldn't swing a cat in there..
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I was stealing things in the supermarket today while balanced on the shoulders of a couple of vampires. I was charged with shoplifting on two counts.
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I bought a train ticket to France and the ticket seller said 'Eurostar' I said 'Well I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin.
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I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, 'How flexible are you?' I said, 'I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays.'
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I went to the local video shop and I said, 'Can I borrow Batman Forever?' He said, 'No, you'll have to bring it back tomorrow'
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A waiter asks a man, 'May I take your order, sir?' 'Yes,' the man replies. 'I'm just wondering, exactly how do you prepare your chickens?' 'Nothing special, sir. We just tell them straight out that they're going to die.' ]]></description>
<guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.dslreports.com/forum/remark,23260719</guid>
<pubDate>2009-10-29 13:29:10</pubDate>
</item>

<item>
<title>[Serious] Beware the web calculator</title>
<link>http://www.dslreports.com/forum/remark,23234312</link>
<description><![CDATA[https://www.heartagecalculator.com/HeartHealth/HeartAgeCalculator.aspx?hostID=1503

Never smoked, take regular exercise, drink occasionally and I have a heart 20 years older than my age, in fact, it's due for a pension ;-)

This one seems more Positive (?)
https://www.diabetes.org/phd/profile/start.jsp]]></description>
<guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.dslreports.com/forum/remark,23234312</guid>
<pubDate>2009-10-24 08:05:38</pubDate>
</item>

<item>
<title>[Joke] Solving Riddles</title>
<link>http://www.dslreports.com/forum/remark,23254620</link>
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I love country music]]></description>
<guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.dslreports.com/forum/remark,23254620</guid>
<pubDate>2009-10-28 12:39:29</pubDate>
</item>

<item>
<title>[Joke] UnbelievablyBadBurglars</title>
<link>http://www.dslreports.com/forum/remark,23247357</link>
<description><![CDATA[]]></description>
<guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.dslreports.com/forum/remark,23247357</guid>
<pubDate>2009-10-27 08:35:26</pubDate>
</item>

<item>
<title>[Joke] Apple does it again!</title>
<link>http://www.dslreports.com/forum/remark,23247352</link>
<description><![CDATA[Apple announced today that it has developed a breast implant that can store and play music. The iTit will cost from $499 to $699, depending on cup and speaker size. This is considered a major social breakthrough, because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them. ]]></description>
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<pubDate>2009-10-27 08:34:28</pubDate>
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